On Fear: Psalm 34:1-22

Psalm 34 describes God's endless willingness to be called on for help, and how he acts on behalf of those who call.

Favorite verse: "... But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing." (v. 10) Note that those who seek the Lord may still be wanting but will not be left wanting of anything good for them. But also there is patience. One may pray and ask for something they are a) wanting and b) is good for them but God will deliver it in His time which is at the right time. Any sooner or later and it would not befit His intentions for your life.

Seeking Direction: Psalm 32:1-11

These passages focus on the concept that forgiveness brings joy.

"When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long." (v. 3) I have long felt that a mindset of complaint is the result of a lack of thankfulness and also the result of a corrupted outlook. I think this passage is saying something similar, that corrupting force being sin from within, unforgiven and festering because of it. Creating an unsettled, habitually out-of-place sense in our being.

I am not saddled with so much guilt, for that I am glad. But I must remember this and share it with those I encounter who struggle with this kind of pain.

On Discouragement: Deuteronomy 31:1-8

This passage has Moses telling Israel and also Joshua not to be discouraged from what lies before them. Remarkably, this is despite Moses being told by God he will not "cross the Jordan," that he may not proceed with his people. An unmitigated expression of faith from Moses.

The "Lord Your God" will "cross before you." (v. 3) God will go before me into those places which I must go but are either afraid or otherwise reluctant to do so. This might be a place or source of great discouragement, upset, etc. It can be a place in the past that I am not able to go but must do so.

"He will destroy these nations before you ..." (v. 3) God will in some way eradicate or otherwise render harmless that which threatens and discourages me. God's total power at work.

"... and you shall dispossess them." (v. 3) Taken as a whole, the sentence implies there is an entity from which you will take what is to be yours but that they wrongly possess. So, as with me being saddled with these entities of my past, they would seem to own my peace and wrongly possess it. God can be relied upon to liberate my peace from such places.

"The Lord will do to them just as He did to Sihon and Og ..." (v. 4) Through God's empowerment, the Israelites completely annihilated Sihon and his people, as well as Og. An unsettling reference to the total violence but it is perhaps so because we look from a mortal view. It has struck me that from God's perspective, death on Earth is of no consequence in his greater scheme. Conversely it is a terrifying thing for those of us who lack the faith in anything other than what is before us. With that said, this passage is simply describing God's total power.

"The Lord will deliver them up before you ..." (v. 5) God will bring them to your feet and empower you to destroy those entities which seek to wrongly possess what is yours.

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." (v. 6) This is the central message to the people to do away with discouragement.

Things you should be: strong, courageous. Things you should not be: afraid, trembling. God is with me, He will not fail or forsake me. I should totally rely on God. He has complete reliability. I can face what discourages me when I follow God into that place, against that source.

Moses then goes on to reiterate this especially for Joshua, detailing to him that it is God who will go ahead of him.

Returning

I've decided to return to this endeavor, that being to journal.

A year ago September I got hired by an old friend of mine to do what I do for a lot of money. A month ago, he let me go. I'm tired of working for fools. That was also a profoundly disappointing experience. Anyway, I'm looking for another job. More on that later. It's very confusing because I thought God wanted me there.

I've been dipping in and out of the Bible half-heartedly for the last year. I've been frustrated by a Bible study group that didn't work out, then a friend who wanted to meet but soon after didn't have the time. So I've identified a reading list that will give me some solo progress. Time to assert the discipline to do it.

I will commence the first lesson tomorrow. I will do each lesson and journal my thoughts on the passages.

Moving Toward Daily Prayer

One of the first steps toward God and my new life is prayer. This is critical for me. I must establish a dialogue with Him. He has spoken to me recently in a way that is ridiculously obvious and I am reminded of the times He has done this before. I am left wanting to reach back to Him and be consistent about it.

Without getting complicated, here's the bottom line:

1. Start each day with God. Give thanks, make requests for others, make requests for me, and close with thanks; these are my essentials. Keep a log of what I've requested and what has been answered. I believe I will keep a paper log (notebook), but may occasionally update here in some summary form.

2. Conduct my day in a Christian manner. I won't explain this but I know what I mean. I'm basically talking about doing what you should be doing and NOT doing what you should NOT be doing.

3. Conclude each day with God. Give thanks/praise for the day. Kind of finishing it off with a little high five between He and I.

4. Go to bed at a reasonable hour, don't stay up all night like you usually do. Rise early and greet the next day the same way.

Take Two

I have failed to do what I set out to accomplish. Further, I have slid into further problems because I have failed to do the things I know I'm supposed to be doing. Finally, I am faced with greater challenges than I have dealt with before and I am not practiced in those things that I know will help me face them.

I have much to do.

I have not quit smoking. For a time, I pushed it down. In the spring, my lungs became inflamed by the pollen and the smoking and I had significant trouble breathing. This has subsided only a little. I currently smoke a little more than half a pack per day now. My wish was to be done by now.

I have become unmotivated and uninterested in what I am doing. I do the minimum at work, which is very little. I spend the rest of the time basically wandering online. At home I am distracted and marginally involved. I have not finished the new website for the church, giving excuses that are received nicely by the staff. This is a condition that started in the spring and has persisted through the summer.

I have come to recognize that when I left my last job just over one year ago, I was set free from a path that was going to destroy me and my family. The problem is that I did not understand this nor did I set it in motion, thus I was - and remain - unprepared to deal with this. Indeed, I have been set completely adrift. I have left and cannot go back to the life I've practiced and built for most of my years (and don't really want to) but I don't know how to move forward and into what.

The stress I have experienced regarding my trying to quit smoking, being set adrift in life and my trouble interfacing with work and family have compounded to create a level of non-stop physical anxiety that has concerned me a great deal - thus compounding the health issue. Truth be told, I am a candidate for a heart attack at this point. Starting in recent weeks, not a day passes where I don't wonder if I'll simply be struck down and collapse right where I stand from time to time. This is a terrible way to live.

What troubles me more than ever is that I know what I need to do and have studied how to do it, but I simply am NOT doing it. Partly for not knowing how to begin, partly for my having never done these things before, partly because what I need to do requires me to retire the illusion that I control my life and circumstances and "give" this control to God. (I mock the idea of giving it to God because it was never mine to begin with).

So, I am drawing a line in the sand. I refuse to be a statistic and I refuse to let my children grow up wondering why their father keeled over in the backyard one Saturday when they were very young.

I am frightened out of my mind. I have never known such terror. I am leaving who I have been since I can remember, leaving me behind or at least stripping away so much of me that what is left will be unrecognizable - but ideally a "better" person. This is change on a scale and to a degree for which I am unprepared and uncomprehending. I simply have no choice but to walk this path with God, daily and intentionally. I have a MASSIVE discipline problem and it has caught up with me. I simply can't go on like this anymore.

The change starts now. I give myself to Him and may He have mercy on me.

I Choose Differently

It's just before 4:00 p.m. on this Thursday, January 29, 2009. I've just smoked my last cigarette.

I'm still involved in understanding prayer; how it works, how you're supposed to use it, etc. I don't like asking for things so my understanding of prayer may be a little slanted. But I continue to learn and grow, so we'll see. More to the point, I believe that we should first discern what it is that His Spirit intends for us and desire that direction as it is His intention. I view this as falling under a sincere intention to follow Him and discover/adhere to his plan for each of us.

With that said, I just prayed (something I don't do often, unfortunately). I told God that I sincerely believe (which I do) that smoking is not what He intends for me. I believe it is in fact an interruption to my following his intention for me. I asked Him to please guide me through this.

Let me be clear that this is not me testing Him. I am completely accountable and responsible for doing this. I just need His help. Nothing else has worked before. I'm not relying on Him to take smoking from me, nor do I perceive that if I fail it will be because He did not help me. If I fail, it is because I failed.

I've tried to quit cold turkey before and I know what's coming. I'm turning to Him, because I'm upset and afraid of what I know will come upon me over the next 1-2 weeks which will start in about 45 minutes from now when the affects of my last cigarette wear off.

May God have mercy on me. I thank Him for His grace and blessings. I choose life.

Are We Insiders?

My pastor mentioned something this evening that weighs on my mind. He said there are many of us (he was referring to Christians) who feel they are "insiders," and thus different and special and exceptional to those on the outside of the church. He was certainly not agreeing with this idea, but simply mentioning it.

I find this notion jarring to say the least. I think it's unfortunate and a mark of how far one can stray in their journey of faith. I find it incomprehensible that one could feel better or superior based on being a Christian.

Forgive my total lack of sound reference, but I seem to recall one of our tenets being that we are humble and empowered only when acting in a Christ-like manner. That's the trick, since in my opinion behaving in a Christ-like manner and feeling like you are a member of an elite group are two completely incompatible concepts.

The true irony comes in play when we consider that treating others in a Christ-like manner is to reach to them, show them love, compassion, mercy, give them what the world won't give them. Companionship, fellowship. Service. How can these things live in the same space as with feelings of exceptionalism?

My thought process has me arriving at an uncomfortable moment, one of judgment. I'll refrain. Instead, I can only say that the essence of "being Christian" is in the "being" part more than anything. Otherwise, it's just a label. Without the action of it, are we devoid of Christianity? Service, service, service. I am to serve my neighbor, serve him in a Christ-like manner, express my Christianity through works, through example.

Now, I know that different Christians see their expression of faith differently. Some see it as strictly worship, that worship is the focal point of Christianity. Others see service, that we get to heaven through our works. Still others have a different spin, and I suppose there are finer, more granular sub-groups within these verticals. I am of the service camp. It is what draws me to Him, draws me to those like-minded. I have been compelled my whole life to insinuate myself among those around me in such a way as to lift them up. It's only recently that I approach this with a spiritual sense.

I guess I am built differently. I simply can't envision feeling as though I am better than another due to my being Christian.

Philippians: Chapter 1

Some comments on the initial chapter of the book of Philippians. This is a letter written by Paul to Christians in Philippi, one of the first Christian churches in Europe which (if I remember correctly) Paul helped found. Paul writes this letter from a Roman prison.

When you really read the text and pick up the unmistakable joy of gratitude and joy, it is remarkable that Paul writes this from prison. This is inspirational in itself. I can't imagine my own self being so spiritually amicable in such a position yet God only knows what He gives you in dire times.

Philippians 1: 9-10 - (9) And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, (10) so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ ...

These two verses are early in the letter, so early as to be considered within the introduction of the full text. Despite their seemingly "inconsequential" position in the text, I find these verses remarkable.

I had never considered the concept of love in the same context as knowledge and insight before. I had always considered these to be separate realms, wires that simply don't cross because they can't even reach each other's spaces. This is of course ridiculous as I think about it more and more.

I realize now that not only do they cross but I myself have crossed them, and more and more in recent years. Case in point: when I was running my own business, we had an employee with deep personal problems that diminished his job performance egregiously. Rather than be rid of him (which a normal business would do), we kept him because we cared what happened to him. From a business perspective, it was a bad decision. I however saw no alternative from a human and spiritual perspective. As my pastor puts it, I was leveraging my knowledge and insight of business through the lens of love.

It seems to me that Paul is saying to let love be more and more informed by insight and knowledge, but the reverse is very true. One should inform their insight and knowledge with love. This is a path to compassionate decisions, to a "Christ-like response" if you will. Rather than acting on data and conventional (read: secular) wisdom alone, allow the human component to enter and wield influence. This is something I've struggled with at some personal cost before as I do indeed make many decisions this way; letting compassion subvert what would otherwise be a cut and dry decision.

Some might say it is human to be this way. I'd care to think it is the exercise of spirituality, whether one knows it or not. Are we instinctively predisposed as God's creatures to do so? Some of us are, others seem not to be. Is there a difference between making decisions this way and simply "feeling sorry for someone/something?"

Paul also remarks that one should do this "so that you may be able to discern what is best..." So, Paul's definition of making the best decision would be doing so through the lens of love (primarily) as informed by knowledge and insight? This is the meaning I take away.

This represents an interesting thing to ruminate on. Despite my having done it before, it was unwitting so there was nothing to be taken away from it in terms of spiritual growth. I will now approach these things more consciously with this "lens" in mind, and its juxtaposition to knowledge and insight. My hope is a more conscious effort here will reveal additional opportunities for spiritual growth.

Men's Bible Study Starting Up

Some months ago, I was approached by someone in the church that I have been getting to know. He asked me if I would be interested in participating in a men's Bible study if he were to start one up. I said yes right away. I thought it would be a great addition to my personal pursuit of learning more about the Bible. It was also clearly an opportunity for fellowship with brothers in Christ and a way to get to know some of the men at the church a little better.

The organizer put it together and we started up about a month ago. The pastor is heading it up and I had to miss the first meeting due to a former obligation. In that first meeting he suggested they start with studying Philippians, partly because it is a brief and somewhat simple book. When I heard this I was excited as I always am when I know I am about to learn something interesting and new.

My first time was two weeks ago. We wound up chewing the fat for most of it and barely broke into any scripture. It seemed like we had a lot of "get to know you" conversation to put us all in a bit of context. A very unguided discussion. I'll admit I was somewhat anxious because we left the evening with barely cracking open the good book but this in itself was a study in how I approach my faith.

You see, I think about things "too much." I over analyze and introspect to a very high degree. In other words, my potential pitfall on my journey into faith is that I run the possibility of being a "spiritual intellectual." Put another way, that my approach to faith could be the way I handle many other things; academically and methodically. Now, there's nothing wrong with that unless you're employing it disproportionately (which I do often). But the clincher that occurs to me this evening is that there is a time and place for an academic approach, and in faith that time and place is "sometimes but not all the time."

Bottom line: this Bible study is a time for fellowship as well as scripture. I am reminded that I need to cultivate flexibility and free myself from the almost prerequisite bondage of an academic approach, release my spiritual muse from the text and let it float freely with a moment of fellowship rather than experience cognitive consternation ("Let's read. I want to read. Let's read." over and over in my mind...).

Tonight was our second meeting. We gabbed for about 20 minutes then set into scripture, which already had my impatience set to medium-high. Not a negative impatience, rather an eagerness that was going unmet. We got 11 verses into it, the pastor asked if we had questions or comments, I had one, and we spent the next 40 minutes on it. Now, our pastor has a habit of digression. But is that really true? No. The truth is he thinks and speaks for a living, while I'm used to the steel-cold efficiency expected in corporate culture. So here I am in this soulful, internal push-pull while he is going into tangents and wrapping it back around eventually only to launch on another tangent.

Please God, stay my mind. Let me focus on this fellowship. I'm only grateful that I have this time with these men. It is special and precious. I was very excited for many days and knowing we were meeting carried me through the last 48 hours on wings. But only to get there and and internally cry out, "Come on! Come on!"

Thankfully I'm old enough to chuckle at myself. Ten years ago I'd probably be mad about it! Who ever said getting older was bad?

I ramble. Basically, I'm part of a men's bible study now. We're reading Philippians, we're talking a lot, we're grappling with major questions, questions of faith that I've not confronted with anyone other than my own mind and with God.

This is an exciting time. Thank you God for presenting me with this opportunity.

President Barack Obama

I still can't believe it. It's going to take me some time to understand what has happened here. I'm amazingly proud and excited, very amped. Right now, those who didn't vote for him are concerned about what he will do once in office. As for me, I'm concerned with who is going to pick up the Republican party and dust it off. They are in very bad disrepair, and I fear they are ripe for the picking of a very extreme direction. I'll be watching this closely. I also have my own ideas on what they need to make happen to come back and be effective again. We badly need them and as soon a possible. No representative republic can function in top form with a huge chunk of people missing in action.

Election '08: Are We There Yet?

I'm a politics hound, all over current affairs and the state of things from day to day from Washington and abroad. Thanks to the superlative onslaught of all things stupid that is Election '08, I'm officially over it. Well, for a while at least.

I'm ready for this thing to be done. I'm crying uncle. The McCain/Palin ticket represents all things that are insidiously wrong with our political system and the only thing that drives me more crazy is their audience. I've sat and watched this ticket tell lie after lie after relentless lie as people clap and cheer. In other words, they're barely listening and are obviously not checking into anything. God steady me if they win.

I don't think I could take another 4 years of unabashed idiocy, willful ignorance, insane personal agendas and dangerous decisions. I'm not saying an Obama administration would be flawless, but I literally can't perceive Obama putting out the sheer volume of dumb that I've watched being exported from the McCain/Palin campaign like plastic stuff from China.

By the way, it wouldn't kill me to have a President that is at least half-way sophisticated and well-spoken enough to herald back to "those days." Yeah, you know what I mean.

Cheering for Mediocrity

Sarah Palin's speech was an outstanding example of John McCain's dismal judgement when it comes to ultra-critical decision making.

The McCain/Palin campaign demands that the world keep off the Palin family. Even Obama himself said, "I think people’s families are off limits, and people’s children are especially off limits. This shouldn’t be part of our politics." So we're all in agreement then? I guess not, since Palin saw fit to invoke the deployment to the middle east of her son and her nephew to prop up her patriotism (which is needed direly with revelations of the Palins secessionist involvements).

She went further to discuss each of her family members, making sure to highlight her son Trig with Down Syndrome while simultaneously politicizing him by making a campaign promise to the parents of special needs children: "I pledge to you that, if we're elected, you will have a friend and advocate in the White House."

She noted her husband Todd, including his membership in the United Steelworkers Union. I'm confident we won't hear the cries from detractors of socialism on this little tidbit. After all, this is just inconvenient.

She discussed her parents, thanking her for one of their lessons being that "this is America, and every woman can walk through every door of opportunity." of course, nobody else is supposed to invoke her gender or they will be flamed by the GOP dragon.

While she meandered through her small-town story meant to further - and hopefully - invoke her love of America, she paused to mention, "I love those hockey moms. You know, they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick." Subtext being she is a dangerous attack dog, which is what most people (don't) want to be second in line for Commander in Chief.

Then she trots in the first of what is to become an elitist and condescending attitude toward the Americans in need and the Americans who help them, saying, "I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities."

Mocking among the finest of ourselves, those who selflessly extend a hand to people on their last leg when most of us are drowning in our superficial dilemmas helps us define the Republican psyche of today's GOP. Only a soul tortured by the fruits of self-focus would think it's not only acceptable to think and say such a thing, but that it would actually energize a room full of people. She did, and it did. Behold the party that applauds the denigration of selflessness and roars with approval at the bashing of many people's last hope. The message is clear - unless you're holding a rifle, you aren't serving your country.

Enter a classic touchstone of the right-wing: blaming the media. "And I've learned quickly these last few days that, if you're not a member in good standing of the Washington elite, then some in the media consider a candidate unqualified for that reason alone." This is reality distortion at it's finest. What she describes as "member in good standing" is actually "someone mainstream."

This has nothing to do with the "Washington elite" she decries (while running on their ticket) and everything to do with all that is controversial and "different," all that is distinctly Alaskan.

The people of Alaska are a hardscrabble sort who thrive on a life bent more toward survival rather than the typical financial goals permeating the "lower 48." In Alaska, it is par for the course to utilize a position of influence to exact personal revenge. In Alaska, it is socially acceptable to embrace independence - even from America itself. In Alaska, most people hunt and fish. There's nothing wrong with hunting and fishing, it's just that most people in the rest of the United States don't hunt and fish.

In other words, there is a wide cultural gap between the American frontier that is Alaska and the hustle and minivans of middle-America, two worlds straddling a divide too great to generate a meaningful shared identify. Many Alaskans consider it a weakness that their suburbanite distant cousins to the southeast can't dress down a moose. Meanwhile, many suburbanites and metropolitans in the lower 48 consume reality shows about Alaskans as entertainment.

Unfortunately, Sarah Palin in all her hockey-mom pitbullness doesn't even understand she has become the focal point of this cultural divide. She is deluded to think the main argument against her is based on gender. Simply put, nobody knows what to do with the frontierswoman that just tracked in mud on our berber carpet.

She toils on to accidentally expose her naivete: "Politics isn't just a game of clashing parties and competing interests." Sarah, politics is EXACTLY that.

She moves into a touching description of a public servant as only an elementary student could provide as she says, "We are expected to govern with integrity, and goodwill, and clear convictions, and a servant's heart." Has she utilized integrity, goodwill and clear conviction against those in her government who allegedly refused to be a tool of vindictiveness? Somehow, amid all the hurrah of Wednesday night, we have to await the results of a state investigation to find out. And what's with the "servant's heart" line? I thought we already established that those who serve the people are only worth using to carpet the floor of a taxi cab?

She says, "I came to office promising major ethics reform to end the culture of self-dealing. And today, that ethics reform is a law." Let us bask in the double-irony of her alleged self-dealing being under investigation, along with her outright lie that Barack Obama has never written a law. Why is this ironic? Because one of the most prominent laws Obama's pen has helped push into existence was an ethics reform law in the United States Senate. Whoever wrote Mrs. Palin's speech failed to even so much as read Senator Obama's summary bio. I trust he's out of work before midnight Wednesday.

Palin takes time out to make herself grand for doing something the voters demanded she do as first thing in office: "I got rid of a few things in the governor's office that I didn't believe our citizens should have to pay for. That luxury jet was over-the-top. I put it on eBay." Never mind the fact that the last guy who bought it and kept it lost to her because he did so (among other non-sensical things). She should have said, "To avoid political suicide, I put the plane on eBay." By the way Mrs. Palin, I hope if most of America is tied up somewhere, allowing McCain to win, that you won't put Air Force One on eBay.

She moves in to her months as Governor: "Our state budget is under control. We have a surplus. And I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending, nearly $500 million in vetoes." Sounds impressive, but judging by the fact that you left your hometown of several thousand people in debt after leaving the office of mayor somehow makes me wonder if Alaska's surplus is because of you or the unparalleled cash machine that is oil.

Palin mentions that "We suspended the state fuel tax and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress. I told the Congress, "Thanks, but no thanks," on that Bridge to Nowhere." Why didn't you mention the millions of dollars in your own earmarks? And what about the fact that you championed the Bridge to Nowhere but dropped it once it became too unpopular? An experienced politician would simply not have mentioned either of these things rather than paste a fat target on their back.

Here comes more confused rhetoric: "When oil and gas prices went up dramatically and filled up the state treasury, I sent a large share of that revenue back where it belonged: directly to the people of Alaska." Gosh Sarah, didn't you just finish implying that the state budget surplus was due to your superhero-like vetoing pen? You must look down on Americans to think we're this slow.

Enter the energy debate - and her partly exposing how idiotic the Republican "drill here drill now" drive is. "The stakes for our nation could not be higher. When a hurricane strikes in the Gulf of Mexico, this country should not be so dependent on imported oil that we're forced to draw from our Strategic Petroleum Reserve." Subtext: Which is exactly why we need to "drill here and drill now" in the Gulf of Mexico to increase the disruption hurricanes bring to our economy.

Enter the McCain energy policy preview: "Starting in January, in a McCain-Palin administration, we're going to lay more pipelines, and build more nuclear plants, and create jobs with clean coal, and move forward on solar, wind, geothermal, and other alternative sources." Take note of how sustainable, non-dangerous technologies again take a back seat. It almost seems as though Republicans refuse to allow progress; perhaps it's because that word is inside the label of their enemy, the "progressives." To think that a group that wants to move forward is actually villified by ANY American.

So, their energy policy is "drill more oil. Oh, and by the way, we'll throw some dollars into green tech." Before we can get into any further policy definitions, we're wisked away to the land of Obama bashing.

"Listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or even a reform, not even in the State Senate." Another shot in the McCain/Palin campaign since, as of tomorrow, they will be forced to retract on such a desperate and foolish lie.

As though her cloud of rhetoric feeding the roaring crowd under the stadium lights wasn't enough, she pushed on to say, "But when the cloud of rhetoric has passed, when the roar of the crowd fades away, when the stadium lights go out, and those Styrofoam Greek columns are hauled back to some studio lot..." (uh...Sarah? Sarah?) When that happens, what exactly is our opponent's plan? What does he actually seek to accomplish after he's done turning back the waters and healing the planet?" AH YES, she finally invoked the alleged "messiah" complex.

This is worth examining for the desperation it represents. Many months ago, Obama showed up. He is an excellent orator with progressive ideas and a positive message. In other words, water delivered to the wasteland that is America after the 8-year Bush-induced drought. The people responded out of thirst, and not for "kool-aid" but for the real and tangible change of Obama's policies.

These policies reflected a powerful and festering undercurrent in the American psyche, one that has spent recent years wondering if we should give public health plans a shot and many years wondering why we developed six energy alternatives to oil many decades ago only to continue hammering our environment while sending our sons and daughters overseas to bleed for black gold. These policies also vacated seating in the McCain auditorium, one replete with policies that fail to reflect the people's needs, an orator severely disqualified to engage and inspire, and an image tarnished by the party of "the last 8 years."

What else could McCain do but become enraged that the spotlight he thought was ensured by his POW status and decades in Congress failed to materialize? And even worse, that an unknown interloper would be the stealer of all things thunderous and McCain. So he unleashed, enraged with the popularity of his opponent. How dare the people like him? How dare the media report it? McCain even went so far as to make and broadcast an ad mocking the major members of the media, a public and humiliating tirade never seen before in an election environment where politicians normally send steak dinners and sports tickets to journalists.

Hence, Palin dutifully grabs the baton and soldiers on with the McCain line. Death to the media! Death to unpatriotic POW haters! And so the lies continue...

"America needs more energy; our opponent is against producing it." Three minutes spent reading the Obama energy plan disperses this for the fog that it is.

"Victory in Iraq is finally in sight, and he wants to forfeit." Never mind the fact that the people found this idea to be popular enough that it forced George Bush to reverse five years of uninterrupted policy to do what Obama advocated. This left McCain fumbling to stop mocking this quietly and quickly, but apparently Mrs. Palin's speechwriter didn't get the memo.

"Terrorist states are seeking nuclear weapons without delay; he wants to meet them without preconditions." This neanderthal understanding of diplomacy as a tool of state is uniquely modern-day Republican. While others understand how opening negotiations without precondition actually generates higher moral ground for America (and consequently the ability down the road to react militarily while still enjoying the unfettered support of allies), those currently in power simply aren't able to appreciate something they don't know how to execute. Their inadequacy is understandable given their ranks are increasingly driven by militarism and a nationalism colored with exclusivity; this extreme aversion to interacting with those outside the party has led to diplomacy being viewed as alien and for the weak.

Mrs. Palin handily bumbles in to a major flaw in her party: "Al Qaida terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America, and he's worried that someone won't read them their rights." This is the most polarizing of issues; after all, how does one fight for justice while failing to execute it? How does one maintain credibility when simultaneously subverting the very freedom that is being fought for. The mistake here is that Palin needed to assert this as a society vs. defense conundrum, not mock one of the instruments of American freedom and justice as though it was worthy of ridicule and relegated to the weak.

If you're seeing a pattern, it's not incidental.

Lest she be lazy, time for another distortion: "The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes, and raise payroll taxes, and raise investment income taxes, and raise the death tax, and raise business taxes, and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars." Never mind that according to leading policy analysts, McCain's plan will cost America MORE than this, which is part of why McCain's economic plan doesn't resonate with the people. That, and it was written by a man who believes Americans are "whiners" and that the recession is "in our heads."

"Among politicians, there is the idealism of high-flown speech- making, in which crowds are stirringly summoned to support great things, and then there is the idealism of those leaders, like John McCain, who actually do great things." Subtext: Obama is hot air and does not do great things.

"They're the ones who are good for more than talk, the ones that we've always been able to count on to serve and to defend America." Subtext: Obama can't do anything, he is not military and Americans can not count on him.

"Our nominee doesn't run with the Washington herd." Subtext: Even though he picked me at the last minute because the religous right hit the roof at him wanting Lieberman.

"My fellow citizens, the American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of personal discovery." Subtext: Obama is a hippy on a road trip. It's time to get serious.

"This world of threats and dangers, it's not just a community and it doesn't just need an organizer." Subtext: You're life is in danger. Don't trust people foolish to spend their time on helping losers.

"And though both Senator Obama and Senator Biden have been going on lately about how they're always, quote, "fighting for you," let us face the matter squarely: There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you." Subtext: You fool, only the military counts. Only McCain is military. Only McCain counts. Obama and Biden have no place here.

"There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you in places where winning means survival and defeat means death. And that man is John McCain." Subtext: There is no greater military experience than POW. McCain is POW.

"You know, in our day, politicians have readily shared much lesser tales of adversity than the nightmare world, the nightmare world in which this man and others equally brave served and suffered for their country." Subtext: McCain was a POW. There is no greater thing than this.
"And it's a long way from the fear, and pain, and squalor of a six-by-four cell in Hanoi to the Oval Office." Subtext: McCain was a POW. There is no greater thing than this.

"For a season, a gifted speaker can inspire with his words. But for a lifetime, John McCain has inspired with his deeds." Subtext: Obama only can talk. Obama is not military, he is useless.
...
She invoked the small town, the folksy family, the son going to Iraq, the rugged state, the frontier, the scrapping with the big leagues - all designed to appeal to rural voters who have waffled on their responsibilities as part of the GOP bloc.

However, Obama's early wins in the primary stunned a nation who watched rural, bread-basket, kitchen table, lunch-bucket white Americans stroll into high school gymnasiums and vote for Obama in vast numbers. How could that be? How could the staple of the party have left them?
What caused this attrition?

In a nutshell, time. Lots of time passed, and with time comes wealth and a different politic. The far right isn't in rural America anymore because the far right got rich and moved to the noise that is the city. Their past icons - the plains preacher, the high-school Army recruiter, the podium-pounding city councilmen of small towns - were not resonating. They transformed into high-powered, high-salary pundits like Limbaugh, Savage, Imus, Hannity, Beck and O'Reilly.

In other words, their numbers decline because their leadership stopped being rural America (who help their neighbors - yuck!) and became the big city wealthy she fights tooth and nail against. The depravity of militarism and nationalism has caught up with them. What once were conservative values driven by trust brands like Reagan have devolved into the desperation, hypocrisy and hostility you see tonight.

They should have never had that convention. Day three of four is over, we have insults and insinuations aplenty and nothing available regarding economy or health care. In short, what on earth is there to respond to? John McCain is a POW.

I Am America

When I first heard Barack Obama speak, it was his "Yes We Can" speech. I was very impressed. It was clear he was trotting out a well-worn theme of change, tried on by very nearly every candidate for office before him. But, I kept my skepticism from turning into cynicism and decided to keep an open mind.

Between now and then, I've watched with interest and occasional fascination at this phenomenon. I don't mean the man, I mean the movement. At first, it was just a cadre of followers like any other politician will have. But I started noticing a specific energy to it all. There was an unmistakable skip in the step that was the Obama message. I watched it spread and grow, penetrating lands and towns I didn't think it could. I watched people I didn't think would, did.

Then the darkness started coming. The expected wave of smears typical of low-road dialogue. Like a wet blanket it started to lay over everything, smothering and disenchanting. Doubts were stirred, questions asked and re-asked in different ways. Revelations of this, discoveries of that. The noise level started getting significant.

My first sign that this movement had some legitimacy was the noise level. It started getting loud, significantly loud and more so than previous smear attacks. Obama's character was getting assaulted for sure, but not just that but a downright meanness crept into the dialogue. Insinuations of his being a corrupt liar or even willing to aid and abet terrorists. Then came the armchair political science minors, with their allegations of his being a socialist and a communist. Never mind the real definition of these ideologies, off with the commie's head!

Then came the worst. "I tried to find him on TV last night but all I found was a big gorilla in a suit." "How will they tell between the first family and the cooks?" It became "obvious" to some that his admission to Harvard, his becoming the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review, and his becoming a law professor were all due to affirmative action. And of course, the veiled (and not so veiled) threats of hate crimes too unspeakable to relay here.

Then the night came for him to speak. The detractors were circling like buzzards, typically with nothing but baseless and vacuous noise - but noise nonetheless. Allegations of arrogance because of the set. Expectations of overt grandeur with "nothing real" as content. Mocking that "the prompter better be there tonight."

Then he took the stage. He graciously thanked a variety of people, told us America has always been a great place and then listed some central grievances that exist today. He said, "America, we are better than these last eight years. We are a better country than this."

He graciously thanked McCain for his service, then trundled on in to an effective several minutes of debasing the opposing Senator blow by blow to ultimately conclude that McCain cares - but doesn't get it. He indicated the failures of the Bush administration, implicating McCain along the way, and pointed out that we are not a "nation of whiners" as McCain's economic plan author Gramm said some months ago.

Barack went on to illustrate his roots, grounded in things hard-working and all-American; his grandfather, grandmother, mother and those he worked with on the south side of Chicago. He capped it by saying, "Now, I don't know what kind of lives John McCain thinks that celebrities lead, but this has been mine. These are my heroes." McCain could consider himself cut down a notch right then and there, and rightfully so.

He then began to spell out the American dream. He did it in color, but most importantly he did it in a way that made it clear that this was a participatory dream, not one that his handed over or taken lazily.

"It should ensure opportunity not just for those with the most money and influence, but for every American who's willing to work. That's the promise of America -- the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother's keeper; I am my sister's keeper."

Barack then provided a punchlist of policy highlights, ranging from taxes to energy. Some were ambitious, but he pointed out that "now is not the time for small plans." I had to agree. He even threw in some fiscal responsibility to keep the bean counting detractors busy; the rest of us know that good ideas cost and it's whether we're willing to pay.

But then came the real speech.

"Yes, government must lead on energy independence, but each of us must do our part to make our homes and businesses more efficient. Yes, we must provide more ladders to success for young men who fall into lives of crime and despair. But we must also admit that programs alone can't replace parents; that government can't turn off the television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more responsibility to provide love and guidance to their children.

"Individual responsibility and mutual responsibility -- that's the essence of America's promise."

I was listening closely.

He called out McCain decisively on debating who has the temperament and judgement to be the next commander in chief. He made no bones about it. Here was some fight. "You know, John McCain likes to say that he'll follow bin Laden to the Gates of Hell -- but he won't even go to the cave where he lives."

Then came cold, hard facts, easily validated by anyone who is aware of the American experience both past and present. "We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don't tell me that Democrats won't defend this country. Don't tell me that Democrats won't keep us safe. The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans -- Democrats and Republicans -- have built..."

Then the ultimate hat in the ring came. "what I will not do is suggest that the senator takes his positions for political purposes. Because one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other's character and each other's patriotism." Yes, indeed. Bring that noise down and bring the real arguments.

And finally the fatal blow. The shot heard from Los Angeles to Bangor. The game changer.

"So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain. The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America -- they have served the United States of America.

"So I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first."

You see, once and for all, Obama changed the conversation. Someone needed to do it, but who would emerge as the one to take the leadership? Obama did. With this one fell swoop, all the dialogue that had stacked, all the worthless noise from "terrorist" to "muslim" to "unpatriotic" to "america hater" and to any given racial slur came tumbling down, exposing from here forward any of those who maintain that line as dishonorable and left behind.

It takes leadership to do that. And then he did it again.

"I know there are those who dismiss such beliefs as happy talk. They claim that our insistence on something larger, something firmer and more honest in our public life is just a Trojan Horse for higher taxes and the abandonment of traditional values. And that's to be expected. Because if you don't have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare voters. If you don't have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.

"You make a big election about small things."

And then the money shot: "What the naysayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's about you."

When Obama said that, you could all but feel an awakening spread across the horizon. Some distant sense stirred, some instinct that had become long-buried by loss after loss domestic and abroad, by failed politics, by refusals for diplomacy, by lies and distortions, by irresponsibility bordering on negligence. This instinct was what I had years ago known as "I will do this."

I barely know what Obama said after that. I was immediately occupied with the realization that up until this very moment, I had approached the election the same way I had approached the government for some years now - with a demanding "what will you do about it" attitude. Before I had devolved to that level, it used to be "why can't we seem to do anything about this?" and before that was "what are we going to do about this?"

But before even that, before all of it, back when I was younger and less afraid of life, it was "I will do this." Back when I only knew two things - find something good and apply yourself to it. I didn't understand many things, but I understood these two fundamentals that operate only in harmony and never alone. They are what brought me years forward to a prosperous family.

Obama was finishing his speech, and I was enveloped with "I will do this." I realized that my apathy, my cynicism that I didn't even realize was dwelling within like a parasite was all falling away. Exposed and betrayed for the facade that it was.

You see, it winds up that I'm America. I always was. I always will be. So long as I'm here and breathing, I am the United States of America. And so are you. Each of us is America. So I say no to the apathetic, who have hammered "change" into the ground like a noisy plank on a hardwood floor. I say no to the naysayers, who replace susbtance with volume. I say no to the cynics, who are repulsed by and inspired to attack at anything that even hints at a positive promise.

I absolutely believe Obama. Not because he is amazing, not because I'm "blinded by the messiah." I believe he is right about ME. I believe my actions can make a big difference. I believe I am able to change the world around me. I believe I can do anything I want if I want it bad enough.

Great leaders are the ones that make you realize or remind you of your strength, not that they are the strong one. So it winds up that this November I'm not voting for Obama, nor am I voting against McCain.

I'm voting for ME, and I'm voting against all that is apathetic and cynical. All that is baseless, useless and negative for the sake of being negative. Thank you Barack Obama. Oh, and America? I'm back.

Can Repub's State Their Case Without Mentioning the Dem's?

John McCain has a lot of explaining to do. He needs to help us all understand why we should elect another Republican president after at least six solid years of Republican control has caused so many problems.

We went to war to retaliate against the terrorists who attacked us, but in seven years we haven't captured Osama Bin Laden and we haven't been able to bring Al Qaeda to it's knees in Afghanistan. Instead, the Bush administration decided Iraq was more important. One by one, the reasons we attacked Iraq have fallen down - there were never WMD's, there was never an Al Qaeda presence, Saddam Hussein was NOT corroborating with or assisting Al Qaeda, Saddam Hussein was no more a threat to the United States than any other lunatic dictator, and we are NOT spreading Democracy and Freedom to a region that culturally can't even interpret that the same way America does.

Our economy is suffering under the weight of skyrocketing energy prices, the subsequent domino effect into food and other costs, and a credit crisis. If I and my neighbors could tell that unacceptable and fraudulent lending practices were taking place (because I was mailed and called with them CONSTANTLY), then why couldn't the administration tell? Where were they on this? Nowhere. Instead, we had to come up with HALF A TRILLION DOLLARS to bail it all out (thanks again, China).

Health care has been an increasing problem for at least 20 years. For the last 6 of those, what did we do about it? Apparently nothing. In that time, I personally watched two single-income, middle class families with kids get completely wiped out. It was so horrible to watch, it struck fear in me and makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. I and other families tried to help them, but it was too much. The one family suddenly went from being able to pay a couple hundred bucks a month on medical to owing $170,000 or more. They lost their retirement, their kids college and their (*)(*)(*)(*)DED HOUSE. According to the AARP, 1.85 million Americans go bankrupt each year due to medical costs. I am afraid for my family, because clearly my hard work will amount to nothing if one of us gets sick (God forbid).

Energy, for God's sake, energy. We've had technologies to replace the reliance on oil for decades, DECADES. No investment to level out the costs and make them competitive, no significant government backing to bring these to the table in a truly viable and widespread way. Meanwhile, we sit and watch as oil hammers on the environment, rises in cost due to being an unsustainable model, and drive our foreign policy into ditch after ditch. Where was the Bush administration's leadership on this? I'll tell you where - they were in Iraq, destabilizing the region AGAIN so that we can pay through the nose. And if I knew that China and India were on a massive consumption horizon and I knew this back in the late nineties, what excuse do the Republicans have for their lack of leadership on this? They had nearly eight years. WHERE ARE WE? And to think McCain's energy plan puts nuclear power and more oil drilling at the forefront! You'll forgive me if I'm NO LONGER INTERESTED in the only two energy sources that screw up my kids' future.

The Republican party has a lot of explaining to do. Their candidate says he doesn't understand the economy, he thinks the fundamentals of the economy are strong right now, his former economics mentor (gramm) was of the belief that the recession was "in our heads," and he thinks the middle class goes up to $5 million/year in income. I realize some of these are gaffes, but PEOPLE - where's the Republicans argument to get us out of this to replace these gaffes? Do they not realize that the economy is the #1 issue in the country right now (Gallup)?

It's high time they shut down the BS machine and start talking for real about what they're going to do for the U.S. of A. As far as I'm concerned, they have wasted precious time. To be quite frank, I am INSULTED that they see fit to wither away my days with "media bias" and "the messiah" and "paris and britney" and "celebrity" while MY FAMILY IS AFRAID, MY AMERICAN NEIGHBORS ARE SUFFERING, and my FRIENDS ARE DYING IN IRAQ. How DARE they take my time with such things.

I'm not only open to hearing what they will do, I'm BEGGING to hear it. I hear it loud and clear from the Democrats.

I'm here to pick the team that will keep this thing called the American Dream from dying on the vine and becoming the trite saying it's in danger of becoming.

I'm here to speak for my wife who agonizes over our lives and our money.

I'm here to speak for my Mom that I have to take care of after she had her stroke last year.

I'm here to speak for my son and daughter because they're not old enough to defend themselves against the checks being written right now that they will have to cash in 30 and 40 years.

I'm here to speak for my brother in the Air Force, my friend in the Army, my friend in the Navy, my friend in Marines, my friend in the CIA, and my father-in-law who fought served in Vietnam.

I'm here to speak for my neighbors, AMERICANS every one of them. Who I would help but don't have enough myself to make the difference. Who ask me why these things are happening and what we can do about them.

I've always believed it's a good idea to swap parties every once in a while, and keep one party in office with the other party in congress; I see this as a necessary balance and I see the last 8 years as the result of imbalance. But I'm willing to listen before I pull the trigger on a Dem president and Republicans in congress.

So, can anyone tell me about the Republican argument? State the Republican case? I'm not interested WHATSOEVER in what Republicans have to say about the Democrats or Obama, just as much as I don't listen to Dems about Republicans. I watch what is happening around me and I make up my mind. So can anyone present me the Republican argument - standalone and without mentioning the Democrats?

A 300-Degree Compass

The Lives of Others is a remarkable movie. I had the good fortune of stumbling upon it late tonight. It was nothing short of hypnotic for me, a tale of 1980's East German oppression distilled of any virulent strains of naivete regarding the reality of it. In fact, I find it wholly impractical to call this a "movie," rather it is a sincere, genuine and essential story told fictionally and applied to the screen too successfully to bear such a label.

I'm finding more and more talk on the Internet about how Barack Obama is a "socialist." Those labeling him as such don't seem to understand the term. One person mentioned that they are confused as to how so many European democracies can be socialist. Confused indeed.

I find this sort of political discourse so pathetically ill-informed, so ... distorted. It's bad enough to not understand how the world around you works, but to layer upon that a blanket of supposing one does is just plain useless. Nay, dangerous. Of course, most anyone who is convinced by these allegations from the ether would have probably drawn the same conclusions on their own because only one so impressionable and devoid of motivation to be informed would be attracted to such "information" and willing to pass it on as fact.

But this story, The Lives of Others, so deftly puts into focus where my heart should be with all this. Are these accusations of Obama being a "socialist" merely the ramblings of right-wing extremists who subscribe more fully (but without knowing) to fascism and militarism? Yes. But more importantly, they are an essential component in American discourse.

The Lives of Others is a vivid reminder that there was a place somewhere (not the first, not the last) where the state monitored and restricted expression carefully and methodically. The state conducted surveillance on artists, writers, pastors and activists. Why? What do all these have in common? Because ideas are dangerous to a state that pretends to provide for the people.

To those who allege Barack Obama is a socialist, I say play on. Run your mouth for all it's worth. Write and call in to the likes of Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh, and Michael Savage. I'd sooner listen to such drivel and know better any day of my life than live in 1980's Germany and watch critical discourse - all manner of it - die on a vine. I'll rail against it in my own way, sometimes quiet and sometimes indignant. But either way, The Lives of Others has reminded me that sometimes the most outlandish, the most inappropriate and the most off-the-mark opinions are critical to the environment of truth and justice, as necessary an ingredient as the rest. After all, without all being exposed there can never be a clear and total comparisons drawn, no honest rationale for or against anything. It would be as though trying to find one's way with a 300-degree compass.

Our Energy Crisis: Isolating the Problem

You may have taken note that I call this an energy crisis. This is for the reason that we have definitely entered an emergency state over energy. Our country (and the rest of the world) has very high energy demands and we are drawing on a finite, politically dangerous resource that is becoming increasingly problematic. Meanwhile, all the problematic points have converged to create an ever-inflating price of oil (and all the damage to our economies this implies).

Several camps have broken out in the United States over what to do about it. Items on the table include:

• Drill domestically for more oil, thus offsetting foreign supply.
• Reduce open-market speculation, thus reducing "speculative premium" in the price.
• Charge full-tilt into developing alternative, sustainable energy resources.

To be fair, many are of the mind that we need to do all of the above. Normally, I would agree. However, I have started noticing far too much attention - in fact, quite nearly all of it - paid to ideas that require short-term activity but will either harm the market or yield no long-term viability. This atmosphere persists in Congress and among the media talk mavens, thus it has permeated the American public once again with a dearth of terrible ideas and broken thinking. Americans need solid information and reasoning, not misdirected ideas that have nothing to do with the problem. Even less do we need outright ignorance and lies.

For instance, I submit Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-North Dakota), who recently said, "Nothing in supply and demand in the last year justifies the price of oil." Sen. Dorgan is either willfully ignorant or an outright liar. Why? Because either he's never heard of China and India, or he's ignoring them (and hoping everyone else will). China and India as a combined population represent 37% of the entire world. The rate at which they consume energy - OIL - began skyrocketing in the mid-90's. China's consumption is expected to rise 7.5% per year and India’s at 5.5% per year over the next decade or more. In other words, the force of market demand coming out of just these two nations (or, nearly 40% of humanity) is a major part of what is going on. Of course, Sen. Dorgan believes the China/India effect on demand is "nothing," and he clearly isn't aware of validtaions regarding Peak Oil (read: supply) coming about starting around 15 years ago.

Thus, like any large-scale project that must be completed successfully, I will isolate the problem. In fact, the immediate problem with all this intellectual laziness is in fact we have FAILED to isolate the real problem of the energy crisis.

One camp insists that the problem is that we are not taking advantage of the oil under our own ground, that if we did we could reduce price fluctuation by not being exposed to foreign affairs. This definitely makes surface sense, I'll give them that. However, this implies that the problem with our energy crisis is that we consume oil from foreign countries instead of our own. Is this the source of the energy crisis? No.

Another camp insists that the price of oil is artificially high, with as much as a 30% premium layered upon it by speculative trading in the open market. The theory here is to reduce/punish speculative trading on oil to control the price. This also makes some level of sense but only when accompanied by a willingness (and lack of fear) to interfere with open markets. Of equal note is that I wouldn't dare to pass this camp off as thinking this will solve the problem; rather, this camp feels this is an important step to take toward a grander solution.

Another camp believes "this is it." They believe this is time more than ever to transfer all available effort into developing the use of alternative, sustainable energy resources so that we can let our dependence on oil decline to a point of no concern. This is lauded as a permanent solution, and criticized as too long-term and too expensive a solution (but likely an eventuality). This camp says that dependence on oil itself is the reason for the energy crisis. Is this the source? Yes it is, we've found it.

But why is almost nobody talking about it, except for T. Boone Pickens (big-time oilman)? Because it is discouraging in it's size and scope and there are other ideas that would allow us to run around and shuffle papers and make us look like we're working RIGHT NOW.

Drilling domestically for oil is foolish and nothing else. First of all, the amount of money required to tap the reserve in Alaska is dumbfounding when you picture it being alternatively applied to developing sustainable resources. Second, the environment would take a (potentially permanent) punch to the gut and there's been more than enough of that for over a century. Third, by the time this oil reached the market in a meaningful enough way to affect price and importing, it will be 8-10 years later and the price will be outrageous. Further, our economy will take a one-two punch from a) pouring money into staid technologies (which develop less jobs) plus b) the outrageous price in ten years, instead of merely struggling with the price but pouring money into sustainable resource development (which involves FAR more jobs at all socio-economic levels).

The attempt to eliminate or quash open-market speculation of oil as a commodity will be a reckless and dangerous endeavor. First, government regulation and interference with open market dynamics is already as much as it can get before we can't honestly call ourselves a free capitalist market (we can barely call it such today). Second, this runs fully against open market mechanics and puts the decision of what is malicious speculation and what is not into the governments hands; in other words, the financial district's version of a Patriot Act debacle. Third, speculation is intrinsic to the dynamics of the market - interruption of which is poorly understood (i.e. artificially reduced speculatory forces on oil could spill over into natural gas, etc.). Fourth, the precedent that control of a commodity in the open market could establish would likely open doors that will be nearly impossible to shut for decades to come; how does one reverse this process and return it to a state of market normality/balance? Besides, this very force of speculation is precisely what woke us all up to the fact that something must be done and soon. How advisable is it to eliminate such a bellwether from our landscape?

The problem is our energy is derived from a finite resource with poor availability. Over many decades this has led to cartels and malicious controls, to warfare and political unrest, to injudicious foreign policies and unbeleivable American effort expended on things other than America. How do you solve this problem? Start using a different resource, one that is (seemingly) infinite and of inconsequential availabilty.

Does it seem like a good idea to poor vast amounts of effort and resources into obtaining more of something so problematic? Does it seem like a good idea to run roughshod over the inherent economic controls presented by the open market just to drop the price temporarily?

Just exactly how much time do we have to spend on ignorance and fool's errands?

The Gift That Is My Church

I am more and more realizing the gift that is the church I attend. God brought my family and I to this church through invitation from good friends. I can't think of a better way to be introduced to what is shaping up to fulfill three significant needs I have in my pursuit of a relationship with God and my quest to identify his wishes and follow his intent for my life: fellowship, service and study.

It's easiest to begin with fellowship. This church is filled with very fine people. Specifically, what I thus far have determined to be sincere Christians filled with His spirit. I have been approached, welcomed and warmed in so many ways already by people here. In fact, a major part of why I so look forward to each Sunday is because each one arrives with a new God-given treasure. God is truly working through these people. I have already had several unique experiences of such gravity that each are a clear and concise testimony to His presence in my life. How blessed I am.

Service is a major matter of it's own with me. The desire to serve - to help - others has dwelled in me since my beginning. Yes, I fail to do so here and there but it doesn't change the fact that I am singularly driven by this need in a way like no other requirement in my human existence. This need has built up to a crescendo over time, gone unheeded and squandered on apathy and excuses. I draw a line in the sand and have sought out service opportunities; the church is my inspiration as it is clearly a phenomenal channel through which to express this energy. I am already bursting barriers on this point, namely my overcoming of stage fright to serve as liturgist at an upcoming service. I can't believe I'm going to do it, but I simultaneously can't believe I will be part of something so wonderful as a church service. Again, God's greatness envelopes me with blessing.

Another few point of service I have been ruminating on is in regards to the small collection of names in each service bulletin describing those church members who are serving in Iraq at this time. I feel significantly compelled to launch a letter-writing / care package campaign in fellowship with church members that is guided by His spirit. Part of me needs to put to rest my desire to "support the troops" and actually DO it. Another part of me regards this as an intrinsic manner in which we, the laity, can express ourselves in a most God-guided manner to those who are in need of not just food and shelter - but reminder that He is with them in such a dark and unforgiving place. As I write this, I am imbued with the sheer importance of doing this and am resolved to discuss this with the leader of our Prayer Ministry as soon as possible.

I leave the most significant for last. Here is where my desire for service, my desire for fellowship, my God-given abilities and a prayer answered all converge. Months ago, I interviewed with a church to be their website administrator. I was extremely excited about channeling my career path into the direction of the Lord and thus was utterly convinced this was my path. Well, they turned me down. I was bewildered and a bit upset. I felt so strongly about it I just couldn't figure out "why He wouldn't have me do this." I got another job but all the while wondered "what happened there?" Wasn't I supposed to go do this? Well, long story short - our new pastor considers the web to be a significant frontier and wants to see changes made toward a renewed online presence. And here I am with a desire to serve, and serve specifically in this way, and many years of experience to draw on. Despite our having yet arrive at substantive conversation regarding what role I might play, I am already planning a redesign and redevelopment project as I envision being asked to throw myself upon the task.

Last but not least is study. I continue to meet briefly after the service with the leader of our Prayer Ministry. As I may have mentioned in the past, I am "attracted" to this man, attracted as an elk would be to a fresh stream. He seems to flow with His spirit and is such a genuine man of caring. He has reached out to me a couple of times, one of them so endearing that I thought about it for days. I see him always with a "major Bible" under his arm along with lots of documents; such is the trappings of a church leader, I know. But something about those papers tells me he can help me study the word. Or, study toward one or more of the Christian Disciplines I desire to adhere to. I am incredibly excited to move forward in what I know will be a Christ-guided and light-filled relationship with this man.

To top it off, our choir rocks and the pastor is just plain awesome. Did I mention the stained glass windows are a particular favorite for me? Something about sitting in the pews just feels like I am wrapped in a perfect blanket. It's not something - it's God. Thanks be to Him! Truly a gift is my church, truly I am blessed in many ways already from this gift and overwhelmed with the blessings that are to come - not just to me, but from me, as I avail my hands to the Lord and let Him use them.

Prayer: For my Son & Family

Dearest Lord, thank you for all you have given me. My life is overflowing with incredible experiences that I know you brought me to. Thank you for the opportunity to touch other's lives and the desire to know you through that service. Thank you for bringing me in touch with incredible people of all stripes and manner, and for the graciousness that you lend me so that I may receive them at my best.

Thank you for not letting me fall in this recent abyss of despair, doubt and remorse. Thank you for forgiving my stumbles, my immature faith in You. Thank you for your infinite patience while you watch me flounder and find you, flounder and find you. Please know I pursue our relationship with sincerity and vigor, despite my missteps.

Lord, I know you are watching over my son. Let he and I both be wrapped, bathed in your light. I yield myself and him to your wisdom. I know you don't give me anything I can't handle; let my fear of where you are taking me fall away like water from a cliff.

Touch my heart toward my daughter. Lend me but a cup of your patience as I move through this trying time without diminishing her with my struggle. Let me be reminded of Your light through her, and let me be in it rather than suppress it. She is but one of a trillion gifts you have given to the world and I have the unique treasure of being her father.

Be with my wife. Her days are of struggle, upset, stress. Guide me in helping her find a way to move through this with grace. Guide me in helping her find You. Guide me in overcoming myself to bring us to Your feet. Let us kneel as a team, work as partners and love with no bounds. Let Your love move through us in such volume that we banish our obstacles.

Our lives are in Your hands. Let me be strong in remembering - nay, never forgetting - this so that we will derive the comfort afforded us by our love for you. Our awe for you.

In Your name, Amen.

A Most Profound Response

Our pastor at church delivered the most profound, relevant sermon I have experienced in my life so far. Let me preface by saying that our pastor is new and truly outstanding, a robust man of God if there was one. To avoid digression, I will dedicate a separate post to this subject.

In the couple of days before the sermon (which occurred Sunday, July 20), I was grounded spiritually by a gut-punch of bad news regarding the health of my son. In a nutshell, he is not gaining weight at the expected pace and it seems he has a challenge in the uptake of calories. Suffice to say that we can deal with this - in particular, with God's grace - but I had what I shall term a momentary lapse of faith in Him and confidence in myself to engage successfully with this challenge. A debilitating experience, if I may.

The sermon I received was regarding the scripture of Genesis 28:10-19. This scripture discusses Jacob as he is fleeing from his home after deceiving his father to receive the blessing that was to go to his brother. The pastor discussed the fact that despite Jacob's deception, God granted him vast favor. As part of the sermon, the pastor expressed the fact that we're not supposed to go it alone, that we are to draw on Him - perhaps mostly because He is infinitely available and willing provided we bring Him into our heart.

I took this with great gravitas. The Friday night previous to this, I was on my knees in despair, praying and begging for God to take this burden of my son - from both my son and myself as well. I was fully at a loss, both surprised at my inability to handle this health issue, my upset that anything should befall my son, and an overwhelming sense of loneliness that ran roughshod over my pursuit of faith in Him. In short, I felt a billion miles away from anyone and from Him and hadn't any idea how to get back. I hadn't felt that lost and alone in as long as memory serves. This prayer of mine lasted probably 10-15 minutes, filled with tears and a bit of yelling too (I insist on full disclosure here). Never had I prayed this way - ever. When I walked away, I thought to myself (in these words): I can't do this alone. I've been trying to do everything alone. It won't work this time. I don't even know how to not do it alone.

And here comes Sunday morning, and the pastor practically looking straight into my eyes (and my heart), telling us we're not supposed to go it alone. He had more specific words that I wish I could reproduce here, but let it be known that I nearly broke down where I sat (another experience I've never encountered before).

A most profound weekend involving a most profound request, answered in a most profound manner by He who is the most profound. How blessed I am that he reaches out to me with such immediacy. He knows me, knows that I preach and insist patience in awaiting his answers and indications to those around me and to myself. But how incredible, how loving it is that He saw me BREAK and reached me with urgency. Urgency. For me.