I Am America

When I first heard Barack Obama speak, it was his "Yes We Can" speech. I was very impressed. It was clear he was trotting out a well-worn theme of change, tried on by very nearly every candidate for office before him. But, I kept my skepticism from turning into cynicism and decided to keep an open mind.

Between now and then, I've watched with interest and occasional fascination at this phenomenon. I don't mean the man, I mean the movement. At first, it was just a cadre of followers like any other politician will have. But I started noticing a specific energy to it all. There was an unmistakable skip in the step that was the Obama message. I watched it spread and grow, penetrating lands and towns I didn't think it could. I watched people I didn't think would, did.

Then the darkness started coming. The expected wave of smears typical of low-road dialogue. Like a wet blanket it started to lay over everything, smothering and disenchanting. Doubts were stirred, questions asked and re-asked in different ways. Revelations of this, discoveries of that. The noise level started getting significant.

My first sign that this movement had some legitimacy was the noise level. It started getting loud, significantly loud and more so than previous smear attacks. Obama's character was getting assaulted for sure, but not just that but a downright meanness crept into the dialogue. Insinuations of his being a corrupt liar or even willing to aid and abet terrorists. Then came the armchair political science minors, with their allegations of his being a socialist and a communist. Never mind the real definition of these ideologies, off with the commie's head!

Then came the worst. "I tried to find him on TV last night but all I found was a big gorilla in a suit." "How will they tell between the first family and the cooks?" It became "obvious" to some that his admission to Harvard, his becoming the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review, and his becoming a law professor were all due to affirmative action. And of course, the veiled (and not so veiled) threats of hate crimes too unspeakable to relay here.

Then the night came for him to speak. The detractors were circling like buzzards, typically with nothing but baseless and vacuous noise - but noise nonetheless. Allegations of arrogance because of the set. Expectations of overt grandeur with "nothing real" as content. Mocking that "the prompter better be there tonight."

Then he took the stage. He graciously thanked a variety of people, told us America has always been a great place and then listed some central grievances that exist today. He said, "America, we are better than these last eight years. We are a better country than this."

He graciously thanked McCain for his service, then trundled on in to an effective several minutes of debasing the opposing Senator blow by blow to ultimately conclude that McCain cares - but doesn't get it. He indicated the failures of the Bush administration, implicating McCain along the way, and pointed out that we are not a "nation of whiners" as McCain's economic plan author Gramm said some months ago.

Barack went on to illustrate his roots, grounded in things hard-working and all-American; his grandfather, grandmother, mother and those he worked with on the south side of Chicago. He capped it by saying, "Now, I don't know what kind of lives John McCain thinks that celebrities lead, but this has been mine. These are my heroes." McCain could consider himself cut down a notch right then and there, and rightfully so.

He then began to spell out the American dream. He did it in color, but most importantly he did it in a way that made it clear that this was a participatory dream, not one that his handed over or taken lazily.

"It should ensure opportunity not just for those with the most money and influence, but for every American who's willing to work. That's the promise of America -- the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother's keeper; I am my sister's keeper."

Barack then provided a punchlist of policy highlights, ranging from taxes to energy. Some were ambitious, but he pointed out that "now is not the time for small plans." I had to agree. He even threw in some fiscal responsibility to keep the bean counting detractors busy; the rest of us know that good ideas cost and it's whether we're willing to pay.

But then came the real speech.

"Yes, government must lead on energy independence, but each of us must do our part to make our homes and businesses more efficient. Yes, we must provide more ladders to success for young men who fall into lives of crime and despair. But we must also admit that programs alone can't replace parents; that government can't turn off the television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more responsibility to provide love and guidance to their children.

"Individual responsibility and mutual responsibility -- that's the essence of America's promise."

I was listening closely.

He called out McCain decisively on debating who has the temperament and judgement to be the next commander in chief. He made no bones about it. Here was some fight. "You know, John McCain likes to say that he'll follow bin Laden to the Gates of Hell -- but he won't even go to the cave where he lives."

Then came cold, hard facts, easily validated by anyone who is aware of the American experience both past and present. "We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don't tell me that Democrats won't defend this country. Don't tell me that Democrats won't keep us safe. The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans -- Democrats and Republicans -- have built..."

Then the ultimate hat in the ring came. "what I will not do is suggest that the senator takes his positions for political purposes. Because one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other's character and each other's patriotism." Yes, indeed. Bring that noise down and bring the real arguments.

And finally the fatal blow. The shot heard from Los Angeles to Bangor. The game changer.

"So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain. The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America -- they have served the United States of America.

"So I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first."

You see, once and for all, Obama changed the conversation. Someone needed to do it, but who would emerge as the one to take the leadership? Obama did. With this one fell swoop, all the dialogue that had stacked, all the worthless noise from "terrorist" to "muslim" to "unpatriotic" to "america hater" and to any given racial slur came tumbling down, exposing from here forward any of those who maintain that line as dishonorable and left behind.

It takes leadership to do that. And then he did it again.

"I know there are those who dismiss such beliefs as happy talk. They claim that our insistence on something larger, something firmer and more honest in our public life is just a Trojan Horse for higher taxes and the abandonment of traditional values. And that's to be expected. Because if you don't have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare voters. If you don't have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.

"You make a big election about small things."

And then the money shot: "What the naysayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's about you."

When Obama said that, you could all but feel an awakening spread across the horizon. Some distant sense stirred, some instinct that had become long-buried by loss after loss domestic and abroad, by failed politics, by refusals for diplomacy, by lies and distortions, by irresponsibility bordering on negligence. This instinct was what I had years ago known as "I will do this."

I barely know what Obama said after that. I was immediately occupied with the realization that up until this very moment, I had approached the election the same way I had approached the government for some years now - with a demanding "what will you do about it" attitude. Before I had devolved to that level, it used to be "why can't we seem to do anything about this?" and before that was "what are we going to do about this?"

But before even that, before all of it, back when I was younger and less afraid of life, it was "I will do this." Back when I only knew two things - find something good and apply yourself to it. I didn't understand many things, but I understood these two fundamentals that operate only in harmony and never alone. They are what brought me years forward to a prosperous family.

Obama was finishing his speech, and I was enveloped with "I will do this." I realized that my apathy, my cynicism that I didn't even realize was dwelling within like a parasite was all falling away. Exposed and betrayed for the facade that it was.

You see, it winds up that I'm America. I always was. I always will be. So long as I'm here and breathing, I am the United States of America. And so are you. Each of us is America. So I say no to the apathetic, who have hammered "change" into the ground like a noisy plank on a hardwood floor. I say no to the naysayers, who replace susbtance with volume. I say no to the cynics, who are repulsed by and inspired to attack at anything that even hints at a positive promise.

I absolutely believe Obama. Not because he is amazing, not because I'm "blinded by the messiah." I believe he is right about ME. I believe my actions can make a big difference. I believe I am able to change the world around me. I believe I can do anything I want if I want it bad enough.

Great leaders are the ones that make you realize or remind you of your strength, not that they are the strong one. So it winds up that this November I'm not voting for Obama, nor am I voting against McCain.

I'm voting for ME, and I'm voting against all that is apathetic and cynical. All that is baseless, useless and negative for the sake of being negative. Thank you Barack Obama. Oh, and America? I'm back.

Can Repub's State Their Case Without Mentioning the Dem's?

John McCain has a lot of explaining to do. He needs to help us all understand why we should elect another Republican president after at least six solid years of Republican control has caused so many problems.

We went to war to retaliate against the terrorists who attacked us, but in seven years we haven't captured Osama Bin Laden and we haven't been able to bring Al Qaeda to it's knees in Afghanistan. Instead, the Bush administration decided Iraq was more important. One by one, the reasons we attacked Iraq have fallen down - there were never WMD's, there was never an Al Qaeda presence, Saddam Hussein was NOT corroborating with or assisting Al Qaeda, Saddam Hussein was no more a threat to the United States than any other lunatic dictator, and we are NOT spreading Democracy and Freedom to a region that culturally can't even interpret that the same way America does.

Our economy is suffering under the weight of skyrocketing energy prices, the subsequent domino effect into food and other costs, and a credit crisis. If I and my neighbors could tell that unacceptable and fraudulent lending practices were taking place (because I was mailed and called with them CONSTANTLY), then why couldn't the administration tell? Where were they on this? Nowhere. Instead, we had to come up with HALF A TRILLION DOLLARS to bail it all out (thanks again, China).

Health care has been an increasing problem for at least 20 years. For the last 6 of those, what did we do about it? Apparently nothing. In that time, I personally watched two single-income, middle class families with kids get completely wiped out. It was so horrible to watch, it struck fear in me and makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. I and other families tried to help them, but it was too much. The one family suddenly went from being able to pay a couple hundred bucks a month on medical to owing $170,000 or more. They lost their retirement, their kids college and their (*)(*)(*)(*)DED HOUSE. According to the AARP, 1.85 million Americans go bankrupt each year due to medical costs. I am afraid for my family, because clearly my hard work will amount to nothing if one of us gets sick (God forbid).

Energy, for God's sake, energy. We've had technologies to replace the reliance on oil for decades, DECADES. No investment to level out the costs and make them competitive, no significant government backing to bring these to the table in a truly viable and widespread way. Meanwhile, we sit and watch as oil hammers on the environment, rises in cost due to being an unsustainable model, and drive our foreign policy into ditch after ditch. Where was the Bush administration's leadership on this? I'll tell you where - they were in Iraq, destabilizing the region AGAIN so that we can pay through the nose. And if I knew that China and India were on a massive consumption horizon and I knew this back in the late nineties, what excuse do the Republicans have for their lack of leadership on this? They had nearly eight years. WHERE ARE WE? And to think McCain's energy plan puts nuclear power and more oil drilling at the forefront! You'll forgive me if I'm NO LONGER INTERESTED in the only two energy sources that screw up my kids' future.

The Republican party has a lot of explaining to do. Their candidate says he doesn't understand the economy, he thinks the fundamentals of the economy are strong right now, his former economics mentor (gramm) was of the belief that the recession was "in our heads," and he thinks the middle class goes up to $5 million/year in income. I realize some of these are gaffes, but PEOPLE - where's the Republicans argument to get us out of this to replace these gaffes? Do they not realize that the economy is the #1 issue in the country right now (Gallup)?

It's high time they shut down the BS machine and start talking for real about what they're going to do for the U.S. of A. As far as I'm concerned, they have wasted precious time. To be quite frank, I am INSULTED that they see fit to wither away my days with "media bias" and "the messiah" and "paris and britney" and "celebrity" while MY FAMILY IS AFRAID, MY AMERICAN NEIGHBORS ARE SUFFERING, and my FRIENDS ARE DYING IN IRAQ. How DARE they take my time with such things.

I'm not only open to hearing what they will do, I'm BEGGING to hear it. I hear it loud and clear from the Democrats.

I'm here to pick the team that will keep this thing called the American Dream from dying on the vine and becoming the trite saying it's in danger of becoming.

I'm here to speak for my wife who agonizes over our lives and our money.

I'm here to speak for my Mom that I have to take care of after she had her stroke last year.

I'm here to speak for my son and daughter because they're not old enough to defend themselves against the checks being written right now that they will have to cash in 30 and 40 years.

I'm here to speak for my brother in the Air Force, my friend in the Army, my friend in the Navy, my friend in Marines, my friend in the CIA, and my father-in-law who fought served in Vietnam.

I'm here to speak for my neighbors, AMERICANS every one of them. Who I would help but don't have enough myself to make the difference. Who ask me why these things are happening and what we can do about them.

I've always believed it's a good idea to swap parties every once in a while, and keep one party in office with the other party in congress; I see this as a necessary balance and I see the last 8 years as the result of imbalance. But I'm willing to listen before I pull the trigger on a Dem president and Republicans in congress.

So, can anyone tell me about the Republican argument? State the Republican case? I'm not interested WHATSOEVER in what Republicans have to say about the Democrats or Obama, just as much as I don't listen to Dems about Republicans. I watch what is happening around me and I make up my mind. So can anyone present me the Republican argument - standalone and without mentioning the Democrats?

A 300-Degree Compass

The Lives of Others is a remarkable movie. I had the good fortune of stumbling upon it late tonight. It was nothing short of hypnotic for me, a tale of 1980's East German oppression distilled of any virulent strains of naivete regarding the reality of it. In fact, I find it wholly impractical to call this a "movie," rather it is a sincere, genuine and essential story told fictionally and applied to the screen too successfully to bear such a label.

I'm finding more and more talk on the Internet about how Barack Obama is a "socialist." Those labeling him as such don't seem to understand the term. One person mentioned that they are confused as to how so many European democracies can be socialist. Confused indeed.

I find this sort of political discourse so pathetically ill-informed, so ... distorted. It's bad enough to not understand how the world around you works, but to layer upon that a blanket of supposing one does is just plain useless. Nay, dangerous. Of course, most anyone who is convinced by these allegations from the ether would have probably drawn the same conclusions on their own because only one so impressionable and devoid of motivation to be informed would be attracted to such "information" and willing to pass it on as fact.

But this story, The Lives of Others, so deftly puts into focus where my heart should be with all this. Are these accusations of Obama being a "socialist" merely the ramblings of right-wing extremists who subscribe more fully (but without knowing) to fascism and militarism? Yes. But more importantly, they are an essential component in American discourse.

The Lives of Others is a vivid reminder that there was a place somewhere (not the first, not the last) where the state monitored and restricted expression carefully and methodically. The state conducted surveillance on artists, writers, pastors and activists. Why? What do all these have in common? Because ideas are dangerous to a state that pretends to provide for the people.

To those who allege Barack Obama is a socialist, I say play on. Run your mouth for all it's worth. Write and call in to the likes of Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh, and Michael Savage. I'd sooner listen to such drivel and know better any day of my life than live in 1980's Germany and watch critical discourse - all manner of it - die on a vine. I'll rail against it in my own way, sometimes quiet and sometimes indignant. But either way, The Lives of Others has reminded me that sometimes the most outlandish, the most inappropriate and the most off-the-mark opinions are critical to the environment of truth and justice, as necessary an ingredient as the rest. After all, without all being exposed there can never be a clear and total comparisons drawn, no honest rationale for or against anything. It would be as though trying to find one's way with a 300-degree compass.

Our Energy Crisis: Isolating the Problem

You may have taken note that I call this an energy crisis. This is for the reason that we have definitely entered an emergency state over energy. Our country (and the rest of the world) has very high energy demands and we are drawing on a finite, politically dangerous resource that is becoming increasingly problematic. Meanwhile, all the problematic points have converged to create an ever-inflating price of oil (and all the damage to our economies this implies).

Several camps have broken out in the United States over what to do about it. Items on the table include:

• Drill domestically for more oil, thus offsetting foreign supply.
• Reduce open-market speculation, thus reducing "speculative premium" in the price.
• Charge full-tilt into developing alternative, sustainable energy resources.

To be fair, many are of the mind that we need to do all of the above. Normally, I would agree. However, I have started noticing far too much attention - in fact, quite nearly all of it - paid to ideas that require short-term activity but will either harm the market or yield no long-term viability. This atmosphere persists in Congress and among the media talk mavens, thus it has permeated the American public once again with a dearth of terrible ideas and broken thinking. Americans need solid information and reasoning, not misdirected ideas that have nothing to do with the problem. Even less do we need outright ignorance and lies.

For instance, I submit Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-North Dakota), who recently said, "Nothing in supply and demand in the last year justifies the price of oil." Sen. Dorgan is either willfully ignorant or an outright liar. Why? Because either he's never heard of China and India, or he's ignoring them (and hoping everyone else will). China and India as a combined population represent 37% of the entire world. The rate at which they consume energy - OIL - began skyrocketing in the mid-90's. China's consumption is expected to rise 7.5% per year and India’s at 5.5% per year over the next decade or more. In other words, the force of market demand coming out of just these two nations (or, nearly 40% of humanity) is a major part of what is going on. Of course, Sen. Dorgan believes the China/India effect on demand is "nothing," and he clearly isn't aware of validtaions regarding Peak Oil (read: supply) coming about starting around 15 years ago.

Thus, like any large-scale project that must be completed successfully, I will isolate the problem. In fact, the immediate problem with all this intellectual laziness is in fact we have FAILED to isolate the real problem of the energy crisis.

One camp insists that the problem is that we are not taking advantage of the oil under our own ground, that if we did we could reduce price fluctuation by not being exposed to foreign affairs. This definitely makes surface sense, I'll give them that. However, this implies that the problem with our energy crisis is that we consume oil from foreign countries instead of our own. Is this the source of the energy crisis? No.

Another camp insists that the price of oil is artificially high, with as much as a 30% premium layered upon it by speculative trading in the open market. The theory here is to reduce/punish speculative trading on oil to control the price. This also makes some level of sense but only when accompanied by a willingness (and lack of fear) to interfere with open markets. Of equal note is that I wouldn't dare to pass this camp off as thinking this will solve the problem; rather, this camp feels this is an important step to take toward a grander solution.

Another camp believes "this is it." They believe this is time more than ever to transfer all available effort into developing the use of alternative, sustainable energy resources so that we can let our dependence on oil decline to a point of no concern. This is lauded as a permanent solution, and criticized as too long-term and too expensive a solution (but likely an eventuality). This camp says that dependence on oil itself is the reason for the energy crisis. Is this the source? Yes it is, we've found it.

But why is almost nobody talking about it, except for T. Boone Pickens (big-time oilman)? Because it is discouraging in it's size and scope and there are other ideas that would allow us to run around and shuffle papers and make us look like we're working RIGHT NOW.

Drilling domestically for oil is foolish and nothing else. First of all, the amount of money required to tap the reserve in Alaska is dumbfounding when you picture it being alternatively applied to developing sustainable resources. Second, the environment would take a (potentially permanent) punch to the gut and there's been more than enough of that for over a century. Third, by the time this oil reached the market in a meaningful enough way to affect price and importing, it will be 8-10 years later and the price will be outrageous. Further, our economy will take a one-two punch from a) pouring money into staid technologies (which develop less jobs) plus b) the outrageous price in ten years, instead of merely struggling with the price but pouring money into sustainable resource development (which involves FAR more jobs at all socio-economic levels).

The attempt to eliminate or quash open-market speculation of oil as a commodity will be a reckless and dangerous endeavor. First, government regulation and interference with open market dynamics is already as much as it can get before we can't honestly call ourselves a free capitalist market (we can barely call it such today). Second, this runs fully against open market mechanics and puts the decision of what is malicious speculation and what is not into the governments hands; in other words, the financial district's version of a Patriot Act debacle. Third, speculation is intrinsic to the dynamics of the market - interruption of which is poorly understood (i.e. artificially reduced speculatory forces on oil could spill over into natural gas, etc.). Fourth, the precedent that control of a commodity in the open market could establish would likely open doors that will be nearly impossible to shut for decades to come; how does one reverse this process and return it to a state of market normality/balance? Besides, this very force of speculation is precisely what woke us all up to the fact that something must be done and soon. How advisable is it to eliminate such a bellwether from our landscape?

The problem is our energy is derived from a finite resource with poor availability. Over many decades this has led to cartels and malicious controls, to warfare and political unrest, to injudicious foreign policies and unbeleivable American effort expended on things other than America. How do you solve this problem? Start using a different resource, one that is (seemingly) infinite and of inconsequential availabilty.

Does it seem like a good idea to poor vast amounts of effort and resources into obtaining more of something so problematic? Does it seem like a good idea to run roughshod over the inherent economic controls presented by the open market just to drop the price temporarily?

Just exactly how much time do we have to spend on ignorance and fool's errands?

The Gift That Is My Church

I am more and more realizing the gift that is the church I attend. God brought my family and I to this church through invitation from good friends. I can't think of a better way to be introduced to what is shaping up to fulfill three significant needs I have in my pursuit of a relationship with God and my quest to identify his wishes and follow his intent for my life: fellowship, service and study.

It's easiest to begin with fellowship. This church is filled with very fine people. Specifically, what I thus far have determined to be sincere Christians filled with His spirit. I have been approached, welcomed and warmed in so many ways already by people here. In fact, a major part of why I so look forward to each Sunday is because each one arrives with a new God-given treasure. God is truly working through these people. I have already had several unique experiences of such gravity that each are a clear and concise testimony to His presence in my life. How blessed I am.

Service is a major matter of it's own with me. The desire to serve - to help - others has dwelled in me since my beginning. Yes, I fail to do so here and there but it doesn't change the fact that I am singularly driven by this need in a way like no other requirement in my human existence. This need has built up to a crescendo over time, gone unheeded and squandered on apathy and excuses. I draw a line in the sand and have sought out service opportunities; the church is my inspiration as it is clearly a phenomenal channel through which to express this energy. I am already bursting barriers on this point, namely my overcoming of stage fright to serve as liturgist at an upcoming service. I can't believe I'm going to do it, but I simultaneously can't believe I will be part of something so wonderful as a church service. Again, God's greatness envelopes me with blessing.

Another few point of service I have been ruminating on is in regards to the small collection of names in each service bulletin describing those church members who are serving in Iraq at this time. I feel significantly compelled to launch a letter-writing / care package campaign in fellowship with church members that is guided by His spirit. Part of me needs to put to rest my desire to "support the troops" and actually DO it. Another part of me regards this as an intrinsic manner in which we, the laity, can express ourselves in a most God-guided manner to those who are in need of not just food and shelter - but reminder that He is with them in such a dark and unforgiving place. As I write this, I am imbued with the sheer importance of doing this and am resolved to discuss this with the leader of our Prayer Ministry as soon as possible.

I leave the most significant for last. Here is where my desire for service, my desire for fellowship, my God-given abilities and a prayer answered all converge. Months ago, I interviewed with a church to be their website administrator. I was extremely excited about channeling my career path into the direction of the Lord and thus was utterly convinced this was my path. Well, they turned me down. I was bewildered and a bit upset. I felt so strongly about it I just couldn't figure out "why He wouldn't have me do this." I got another job but all the while wondered "what happened there?" Wasn't I supposed to go do this? Well, long story short - our new pastor considers the web to be a significant frontier and wants to see changes made toward a renewed online presence. And here I am with a desire to serve, and serve specifically in this way, and many years of experience to draw on. Despite our having yet arrive at substantive conversation regarding what role I might play, I am already planning a redesign and redevelopment project as I envision being asked to throw myself upon the task.

Last but not least is study. I continue to meet briefly after the service with the leader of our Prayer Ministry. As I may have mentioned in the past, I am "attracted" to this man, attracted as an elk would be to a fresh stream. He seems to flow with His spirit and is such a genuine man of caring. He has reached out to me a couple of times, one of them so endearing that I thought about it for days. I see him always with a "major Bible" under his arm along with lots of documents; such is the trappings of a church leader, I know. But something about those papers tells me he can help me study the word. Or, study toward one or more of the Christian Disciplines I desire to adhere to. I am incredibly excited to move forward in what I know will be a Christ-guided and light-filled relationship with this man.

To top it off, our choir rocks and the pastor is just plain awesome. Did I mention the stained glass windows are a particular favorite for me? Something about sitting in the pews just feels like I am wrapped in a perfect blanket. It's not something - it's God. Thanks be to Him! Truly a gift is my church, truly I am blessed in many ways already from this gift and overwhelmed with the blessings that are to come - not just to me, but from me, as I avail my hands to the Lord and let Him use them.

Prayer: For my Son & Family

Dearest Lord, thank you for all you have given me. My life is overflowing with incredible experiences that I know you brought me to. Thank you for the opportunity to touch other's lives and the desire to know you through that service. Thank you for bringing me in touch with incredible people of all stripes and manner, and for the graciousness that you lend me so that I may receive them at my best.

Thank you for not letting me fall in this recent abyss of despair, doubt and remorse. Thank you for forgiving my stumbles, my immature faith in You. Thank you for your infinite patience while you watch me flounder and find you, flounder and find you. Please know I pursue our relationship with sincerity and vigor, despite my missteps.

Lord, I know you are watching over my son. Let he and I both be wrapped, bathed in your light. I yield myself and him to your wisdom. I know you don't give me anything I can't handle; let my fear of where you are taking me fall away like water from a cliff.

Touch my heart toward my daughter. Lend me but a cup of your patience as I move through this trying time without diminishing her with my struggle. Let me be reminded of Your light through her, and let me be in it rather than suppress it. She is but one of a trillion gifts you have given to the world and I have the unique treasure of being her father.

Be with my wife. Her days are of struggle, upset, stress. Guide me in helping her find a way to move through this with grace. Guide me in helping her find You. Guide me in overcoming myself to bring us to Your feet. Let us kneel as a team, work as partners and love with no bounds. Let Your love move through us in such volume that we banish our obstacles.

Our lives are in Your hands. Let me be strong in remembering - nay, never forgetting - this so that we will derive the comfort afforded us by our love for you. Our awe for you.

In Your name, Amen.

A Most Profound Response

Our pastor at church delivered the most profound, relevant sermon I have experienced in my life so far. Let me preface by saying that our pastor is new and truly outstanding, a robust man of God if there was one. To avoid digression, I will dedicate a separate post to this subject.

In the couple of days before the sermon (which occurred Sunday, July 20), I was grounded spiritually by a gut-punch of bad news regarding the health of my son. In a nutshell, he is not gaining weight at the expected pace and it seems he has a challenge in the uptake of calories. Suffice to say that we can deal with this - in particular, with God's grace - but I had what I shall term a momentary lapse of faith in Him and confidence in myself to engage successfully with this challenge. A debilitating experience, if I may.

The sermon I received was regarding the scripture of Genesis 28:10-19. This scripture discusses Jacob as he is fleeing from his home after deceiving his father to receive the blessing that was to go to his brother. The pastor discussed the fact that despite Jacob's deception, God granted him vast favor. As part of the sermon, the pastor expressed the fact that we're not supposed to go it alone, that we are to draw on Him - perhaps mostly because He is infinitely available and willing provided we bring Him into our heart.

I took this with great gravitas. The Friday night previous to this, I was on my knees in despair, praying and begging for God to take this burden of my son - from both my son and myself as well. I was fully at a loss, both surprised at my inability to handle this health issue, my upset that anything should befall my son, and an overwhelming sense of loneliness that ran roughshod over my pursuit of faith in Him. In short, I felt a billion miles away from anyone and from Him and hadn't any idea how to get back. I hadn't felt that lost and alone in as long as memory serves. This prayer of mine lasted probably 10-15 minutes, filled with tears and a bit of yelling too (I insist on full disclosure here). Never had I prayed this way - ever. When I walked away, I thought to myself (in these words): I can't do this alone. I've been trying to do everything alone. It won't work this time. I don't even know how to not do it alone.

And here comes Sunday morning, and the pastor practically looking straight into my eyes (and my heart), telling us we're not supposed to go it alone. He had more specific words that I wish I could reproduce here, but let it be known that I nearly broke down where I sat (another experience I've never encountered before).

A most profound weekend involving a most profound request, answered in a most profound manner by He who is the most profound. How blessed I am that he reaches out to me with such immediacy. He knows me, knows that I preach and insist patience in awaiting his answers and indications to those around me and to myself. But how incredible, how loving it is that He saw me BREAK and reached me with urgency. Urgency. For me.