I Choose Differently

It's just before 4:00 p.m. on this Thursday, January 29, 2009. I've just smoked my last cigarette.

I'm still involved in understanding prayer; how it works, how you're supposed to use it, etc. I don't like asking for things so my understanding of prayer may be a little slanted. But I continue to learn and grow, so we'll see. More to the point, I believe that we should first discern what it is that His Spirit intends for us and desire that direction as it is His intention. I view this as falling under a sincere intention to follow Him and discover/adhere to his plan for each of us.

With that said, I just prayed (something I don't do often, unfortunately). I told God that I sincerely believe (which I do) that smoking is not what He intends for me. I believe it is in fact an interruption to my following his intention for me. I asked Him to please guide me through this.

Let me be clear that this is not me testing Him. I am completely accountable and responsible for doing this. I just need His help. Nothing else has worked before. I'm not relying on Him to take smoking from me, nor do I perceive that if I fail it will be because He did not help me. If I fail, it is because I failed.

I've tried to quit cold turkey before and I know what's coming. I'm turning to Him, because I'm upset and afraid of what I know will come upon me over the next 1-2 weeks which will start in about 45 minutes from now when the affects of my last cigarette wear off.

May God have mercy on me. I thank Him for His grace and blessings. I choose life.