Our Energy Crisis: Isolating the Problem

You may have taken note that I call this an energy crisis. This is for the reason that we have definitely entered an emergency state over energy. Our country (and the rest of the world) has very high energy demands and we are drawing on a finite, politically dangerous resource that is becoming increasingly problematic. Meanwhile, all the problematic points have converged to create an ever-inflating price of oil (and all the damage to our economies this implies).

Several camps have broken out in the United States over what to do about it. Items on the table include:

• Drill domestically for more oil, thus offsetting foreign supply.
• Reduce open-market speculation, thus reducing "speculative premium" in the price.
• Charge full-tilt into developing alternative, sustainable energy resources.

To be fair, many are of the mind that we need to do all of the above. Normally, I would agree. However, I have started noticing far too much attention - in fact, quite nearly all of it - paid to ideas that require short-term activity but will either harm the market or yield no long-term viability. This atmosphere persists in Congress and among the media talk mavens, thus it has permeated the American public once again with a dearth of terrible ideas and broken thinking. Americans need solid information and reasoning, not misdirected ideas that have nothing to do with the problem. Even less do we need outright ignorance and lies.

For instance, I submit Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-North Dakota), who recently said, "Nothing in supply and demand in the last year justifies the price of oil." Sen. Dorgan is either willfully ignorant or an outright liar. Why? Because either he's never heard of China and India, or he's ignoring them (and hoping everyone else will). China and India as a combined population represent 37% of the entire world. The rate at which they consume energy - OIL - began skyrocketing in the mid-90's. China's consumption is expected to rise 7.5% per year and India’s at 5.5% per year over the next decade or more. In other words, the force of market demand coming out of just these two nations (or, nearly 40% of humanity) is a major part of what is going on. Of course, Sen. Dorgan believes the China/India effect on demand is "nothing," and he clearly isn't aware of validtaions regarding Peak Oil (read: supply) coming about starting around 15 years ago.

Thus, like any large-scale project that must be completed successfully, I will isolate the problem. In fact, the immediate problem with all this intellectual laziness is in fact we have FAILED to isolate the real problem of the energy crisis.

One camp insists that the problem is that we are not taking advantage of the oil under our own ground, that if we did we could reduce price fluctuation by not being exposed to foreign affairs. This definitely makes surface sense, I'll give them that. However, this implies that the problem with our energy crisis is that we consume oil from foreign countries instead of our own. Is this the source of the energy crisis? No.

Another camp insists that the price of oil is artificially high, with as much as a 30% premium layered upon it by speculative trading in the open market. The theory here is to reduce/punish speculative trading on oil to control the price. This also makes some level of sense but only when accompanied by a willingness (and lack of fear) to interfere with open markets. Of equal note is that I wouldn't dare to pass this camp off as thinking this will solve the problem; rather, this camp feels this is an important step to take toward a grander solution.

Another camp believes "this is it." They believe this is time more than ever to transfer all available effort into developing the use of alternative, sustainable energy resources so that we can let our dependence on oil decline to a point of no concern. This is lauded as a permanent solution, and criticized as too long-term and too expensive a solution (but likely an eventuality). This camp says that dependence on oil itself is the reason for the energy crisis. Is this the source? Yes it is, we've found it.

But why is almost nobody talking about it, except for T. Boone Pickens (big-time oilman)? Because it is discouraging in it's size and scope and there are other ideas that would allow us to run around and shuffle papers and make us look like we're working RIGHT NOW.

Drilling domestically for oil is foolish and nothing else. First of all, the amount of money required to tap the reserve in Alaska is dumbfounding when you picture it being alternatively applied to developing sustainable resources. Second, the environment would take a (potentially permanent) punch to the gut and there's been more than enough of that for over a century. Third, by the time this oil reached the market in a meaningful enough way to affect price and importing, it will be 8-10 years later and the price will be outrageous. Further, our economy will take a one-two punch from a) pouring money into staid technologies (which develop less jobs) plus b) the outrageous price in ten years, instead of merely struggling with the price but pouring money into sustainable resource development (which involves FAR more jobs at all socio-economic levels).

The attempt to eliminate or quash open-market speculation of oil as a commodity will be a reckless and dangerous endeavor. First, government regulation and interference with open market dynamics is already as much as it can get before we can't honestly call ourselves a free capitalist market (we can barely call it such today). Second, this runs fully against open market mechanics and puts the decision of what is malicious speculation and what is not into the governments hands; in other words, the financial district's version of a Patriot Act debacle. Third, speculation is intrinsic to the dynamics of the market - interruption of which is poorly understood (i.e. artificially reduced speculatory forces on oil could spill over into natural gas, etc.). Fourth, the precedent that control of a commodity in the open market could establish would likely open doors that will be nearly impossible to shut for decades to come; how does one reverse this process and return it to a state of market normality/balance? Besides, this very force of speculation is precisely what woke us all up to the fact that something must be done and soon. How advisable is it to eliminate such a bellwether from our landscape?

The problem is our energy is derived from a finite resource with poor availability. Over many decades this has led to cartels and malicious controls, to warfare and political unrest, to injudicious foreign policies and unbeleivable American effort expended on things other than America. How do you solve this problem? Start using a different resource, one that is (seemingly) infinite and of inconsequential availabilty.

Does it seem like a good idea to poor vast amounts of effort and resources into obtaining more of something so problematic? Does it seem like a good idea to run roughshod over the inherent economic controls presented by the open market just to drop the price temporarily?

Just exactly how much time do we have to spend on ignorance and fool's errands?

The Gift That Is My Church

I am more and more realizing the gift that is the church I attend. God brought my family and I to this church through invitation from good friends. I can't think of a better way to be introduced to what is shaping up to fulfill three significant needs I have in my pursuit of a relationship with God and my quest to identify his wishes and follow his intent for my life: fellowship, service and study.

It's easiest to begin with fellowship. This church is filled with very fine people. Specifically, what I thus far have determined to be sincere Christians filled with His spirit. I have been approached, welcomed and warmed in so many ways already by people here. In fact, a major part of why I so look forward to each Sunday is because each one arrives with a new God-given treasure. God is truly working through these people. I have already had several unique experiences of such gravity that each are a clear and concise testimony to His presence in my life. How blessed I am.

Service is a major matter of it's own with me. The desire to serve - to help - others has dwelled in me since my beginning. Yes, I fail to do so here and there but it doesn't change the fact that I am singularly driven by this need in a way like no other requirement in my human existence. This need has built up to a crescendo over time, gone unheeded and squandered on apathy and excuses. I draw a line in the sand and have sought out service opportunities; the church is my inspiration as it is clearly a phenomenal channel through which to express this energy. I am already bursting barriers on this point, namely my overcoming of stage fright to serve as liturgist at an upcoming service. I can't believe I'm going to do it, but I simultaneously can't believe I will be part of something so wonderful as a church service. Again, God's greatness envelopes me with blessing.

Another few point of service I have been ruminating on is in regards to the small collection of names in each service bulletin describing those church members who are serving in Iraq at this time. I feel significantly compelled to launch a letter-writing / care package campaign in fellowship with church members that is guided by His spirit. Part of me needs to put to rest my desire to "support the troops" and actually DO it. Another part of me regards this as an intrinsic manner in which we, the laity, can express ourselves in a most God-guided manner to those who are in need of not just food and shelter - but reminder that He is with them in such a dark and unforgiving place. As I write this, I am imbued with the sheer importance of doing this and am resolved to discuss this with the leader of our Prayer Ministry as soon as possible.

I leave the most significant for last. Here is where my desire for service, my desire for fellowship, my God-given abilities and a prayer answered all converge. Months ago, I interviewed with a church to be their website administrator. I was extremely excited about channeling my career path into the direction of the Lord and thus was utterly convinced this was my path. Well, they turned me down. I was bewildered and a bit upset. I felt so strongly about it I just couldn't figure out "why He wouldn't have me do this." I got another job but all the while wondered "what happened there?" Wasn't I supposed to go do this? Well, long story short - our new pastor considers the web to be a significant frontier and wants to see changes made toward a renewed online presence. And here I am with a desire to serve, and serve specifically in this way, and many years of experience to draw on. Despite our having yet arrive at substantive conversation regarding what role I might play, I am already planning a redesign and redevelopment project as I envision being asked to throw myself upon the task.

Last but not least is study. I continue to meet briefly after the service with the leader of our Prayer Ministry. As I may have mentioned in the past, I am "attracted" to this man, attracted as an elk would be to a fresh stream. He seems to flow with His spirit and is such a genuine man of caring. He has reached out to me a couple of times, one of them so endearing that I thought about it for days. I see him always with a "major Bible" under his arm along with lots of documents; such is the trappings of a church leader, I know. But something about those papers tells me he can help me study the word. Or, study toward one or more of the Christian Disciplines I desire to adhere to. I am incredibly excited to move forward in what I know will be a Christ-guided and light-filled relationship with this man.

To top it off, our choir rocks and the pastor is just plain awesome. Did I mention the stained glass windows are a particular favorite for me? Something about sitting in the pews just feels like I am wrapped in a perfect blanket. It's not something - it's God. Thanks be to Him! Truly a gift is my church, truly I am blessed in many ways already from this gift and overwhelmed with the blessings that are to come - not just to me, but from me, as I avail my hands to the Lord and let Him use them.

Prayer: For my Son & Family

Dearest Lord, thank you for all you have given me. My life is overflowing with incredible experiences that I know you brought me to. Thank you for the opportunity to touch other's lives and the desire to know you through that service. Thank you for bringing me in touch with incredible people of all stripes and manner, and for the graciousness that you lend me so that I may receive them at my best.

Thank you for not letting me fall in this recent abyss of despair, doubt and remorse. Thank you for forgiving my stumbles, my immature faith in You. Thank you for your infinite patience while you watch me flounder and find you, flounder and find you. Please know I pursue our relationship with sincerity and vigor, despite my missteps.

Lord, I know you are watching over my son. Let he and I both be wrapped, bathed in your light. I yield myself and him to your wisdom. I know you don't give me anything I can't handle; let my fear of where you are taking me fall away like water from a cliff.

Touch my heart toward my daughter. Lend me but a cup of your patience as I move through this trying time without diminishing her with my struggle. Let me be reminded of Your light through her, and let me be in it rather than suppress it. She is but one of a trillion gifts you have given to the world and I have the unique treasure of being her father.

Be with my wife. Her days are of struggle, upset, stress. Guide me in helping her find a way to move through this with grace. Guide me in helping her find You. Guide me in overcoming myself to bring us to Your feet. Let us kneel as a team, work as partners and love with no bounds. Let Your love move through us in such volume that we banish our obstacles.

Our lives are in Your hands. Let me be strong in remembering - nay, never forgetting - this so that we will derive the comfort afforded us by our love for you. Our awe for you.

In Your name, Amen.

A Most Profound Response

Our pastor at church delivered the most profound, relevant sermon I have experienced in my life so far. Let me preface by saying that our pastor is new and truly outstanding, a robust man of God if there was one. To avoid digression, I will dedicate a separate post to this subject.

In the couple of days before the sermon (which occurred Sunday, July 20), I was grounded spiritually by a gut-punch of bad news regarding the health of my son. In a nutshell, he is not gaining weight at the expected pace and it seems he has a challenge in the uptake of calories. Suffice to say that we can deal with this - in particular, with God's grace - but I had what I shall term a momentary lapse of faith in Him and confidence in myself to engage successfully with this challenge. A debilitating experience, if I may.

The sermon I received was regarding the scripture of Genesis 28:10-19. This scripture discusses Jacob as he is fleeing from his home after deceiving his father to receive the blessing that was to go to his brother. The pastor discussed the fact that despite Jacob's deception, God granted him vast favor. As part of the sermon, the pastor expressed the fact that we're not supposed to go it alone, that we are to draw on Him - perhaps mostly because He is infinitely available and willing provided we bring Him into our heart.

I took this with great gravitas. The Friday night previous to this, I was on my knees in despair, praying and begging for God to take this burden of my son - from both my son and myself as well. I was fully at a loss, both surprised at my inability to handle this health issue, my upset that anything should befall my son, and an overwhelming sense of loneliness that ran roughshod over my pursuit of faith in Him. In short, I felt a billion miles away from anyone and from Him and hadn't any idea how to get back. I hadn't felt that lost and alone in as long as memory serves. This prayer of mine lasted probably 10-15 minutes, filled with tears and a bit of yelling too (I insist on full disclosure here). Never had I prayed this way - ever. When I walked away, I thought to myself (in these words): I can't do this alone. I've been trying to do everything alone. It won't work this time. I don't even know how to not do it alone.

And here comes Sunday morning, and the pastor practically looking straight into my eyes (and my heart), telling us we're not supposed to go it alone. He had more specific words that I wish I could reproduce here, but let it be known that I nearly broke down where I sat (another experience I've never encountered before).

A most profound weekend involving a most profound request, answered in a most profound manner by He who is the most profound. How blessed I am that he reaches out to me with such immediacy. He knows me, knows that I preach and insist patience in awaiting his answers and indications to those around me and to myself. But how incredible, how loving it is that He saw me BREAK and reached me with urgency. Urgency. For me.

In Pursuit of Christian Disciplines

I've done additional research into Christian Disciplines. I will preface my remarks by explaining that this is but step one in a much greater effort. In short, I am pursuing as complete a knowledge of the disciplines that Christians are expected or encouraged to participate in.

I'm not doing this so that I may learn how to be a mechanical Christian. Rather, I am seeking to use the most qualified methods to work toward spiritual growth, specifically in the Christian context. My expectation is to identify a comprehensive list of disciplines, study each one to understand their purpose and then move forward on applying said disciplines to my own life. My ultimate goal is to improve my relationship with and understanding of God AND serve as an exemplary Christian in the most sincere sense of the word. With that said, we move on.

My additional research into the matter has resulted in additional disciplines being identified. I already sense there is some heirarchy to these; there may also be duplicity until that heirarchy is fully described. In a previous post, I discussed 12 Christian Disciplines that I uncovered as listed in a book by Donald S. Whitney. In the following list (and expanded version with additions), I include these 12 and indicate them with an asterisk.

*Scripture Reading
*Prayer
*Worship
*Scripture Meditation
*Evangelism
*Serving
*Stewardship
*Scripture Application
*Silence & Solitude
*Journaling
*Learning
Marriage
Fatherhood
Friendship
Mind
Devotion
Listening
Confession
Reverence
Submission
Integrity
Work
Perseverence
Leadership
Giving
Witness
Ministry
Frugality / Simple Living
Chastity
Sacrifice
Celebration
Fellowship
Spiritual Mentoring

As it stands, the list contains 33 disciplines. However, two things strike me about this list. First, there is clearly some duplicity, at least in terms of the "spirit" or intention of some of these disciplines. For instance, surely Frugality is a sub-set of Stewardship? Perhaps not. Second, it seems to me some of these things are disciplines in the strict sense of the word (which is what I'm seeking); that is to say, some of these items are desired characteristics rather than actual practices.

I will refrain from combining, eliminating duplicity or other tactics to hone the list until I have adequately explored each one. I would be upset if I accidentally (out of ignorance) combined two things that were actually very distinct and necessarily so.

McCain Is Losing Me

I'll say up front that I've like Sen. John McCain for a long time, probably close to ten years. Sure, he had his quirks but I found him to be straight-talking, genuine and with enough integrity to go for what he believes instead of drawing the party line. He had my respect.

I'm losing it quickly. I start with his two "jokes" about "bombing" or "killing" Iranians. Please tell me he's kidding. Far earlier in the election, he also said he didn't know as much about the economy as he probably should. Oh really? Exactly what I want to hear while our economy is taking the hardest punch in decades.

Add to that one of his top economic advisors, Phil Gramm, recently stated that Americans are "whiners" and implied the economic recession was in our heads (calling it a "mental recession"). Gramm even reiterated the latter statement when given a chance to explain, saying, "We don’t have measured negative growth. That’s a fact, that’s not a commentary." This is just plain, irresponsible foolishness.

I've already been leaning toward Obama (leaning, not flying into his arms just yet) and if the vote was today, he would get my vote. Yes, he has some issues of his own, but nothing like the McCain gaffes. Today's America has an economy in sincere crisis and a foreign policy so debilitated that it has put our nation in great danger - and McCain is failing me on both critical points.

T. Boone Pickens: Bold Man, Bold Plan and the Right Time

In 2005, it occurred to me that someone from the oil world was going to emerge with an aggressive plan to turn tail from drilling and pour massive effort into clean renewable development. I saw demand growing almost out of control to the point of price hyperinflation coupled with a public refusal to alleviate supply. As in the past, such market forces were colliding like tectonic plates which in turn would likely cause a mountain to rise from below. Why did I specifically think it would be someone from the oil world? Because nobody better to catch the oil companies with their pants down and take market leadership than a competitor among them. Another reason would be that oil men have nowhere to go once oil isn't consumed anymore - except renewable energy.

Enter T. Boone Pickens.

T. Boone Pickens puts forth a plan that would result in cutting a third of American oil demand - and doing it quickly. The Pickens Plan includes replacing natural gas for electricity generation with wind power, freeing up said gas for usage in automobiles and vastly increasing the usage of vehicles that can run on it. This idea of shuffling the power deck is intended to buy America enough time to develop a more comprehensive, long-term energy strategy. On the face of it, I have no criticisms and it seems like sound thinking.

The plan's author is not without controversy. Pickens contributed millions to the Swift Boat Veterans and POWs for Truth campaign effort to smear John Kerry during his bid for presidential election. He went so far as to offer a $1mm prize to anyone who could disprove any of the Swift Boat Veteran's claims. John Kerry took up the challenge and Pickens effectively backed out of his offer. The rest is history of course.

However, Pickens is probably best known for two things - rapid business building based on acquisition and philanthropy. He jogged through a series of acquisitions in the 80's that elevated him to celebrity status in the business world, some of them considered aggressive and controversial. Through these steps and his subsequent founding of BP Capital Management in 1997, he has amassed a personal wealth estimated at $3 billion. Meanwhile, he conducted his philanthropic affairs with nearly equal zeal. According to media reports, he has donated well over $100 million to humanitarian causes plus another $400 million to Oklahoma State University (his alma mater). The bottom line: Pickens is a bold man with a bold plan.

What timing he has, and it's exactly what we need right now. After all, in the vacuum of leadership that is current-day America, our government has zero solution to offer. Besides, a real leader would go to the private sector to mine for outstanding ideas in a time like this and that would wind up letting Pickens rise to the surface anyway. But instead, once again we are benefitting from the forces of a free capitalist market which reliably cause just such a man to rise at just such a time.

Whether the Pickens Plan is realistic or not is the subject of a different discourse. For now, I'm excited to see someone emerge with an appropriately ambitious and aggressive plan to get us out of oil. For many years I have felt the influence on U.S. foreign policy by our energy requirements has been increasingly devastating. I would even like to suggest that once America develops renewable, clean energy sources in a viable manner that the technology and means to do so be shared or exported to ALL nations in just as vigorous an effort. Even if America is able to pull itself out of the musical-chairs enviornment of oil-based energy, other states (i.e. China) will likely replace the U.S. as a world aggressor allowing a critical, finite resource to drive foreign policy. Until the world is rid of states motivated as such, we are all living on a more dangerous planet.

Will Picken's plan - and more importantly, his firey spirit and all-American ambition - be adopted and embraced, or will his effort fall prey to the venom, apathy and ridicule we've encountered all too often in today's national discourse. Either way, the clock is ticking and we needed to start this kind of thing 20 years ago. We're LATE as it is if you ask me.

Lack of Respect: The Achilles Heel of American Foreign Policy

An issue I consider critical regarding our country is America's reputation in the world. Specifically, how we are perceived both by the general populace and the leadership of other nations.

Many argue that our reputation is totally irrelevant, that we are the greatest nation in the world, and "who cares" what other countries think of us. This kind of response is as ignorant as it is dangerous. Others are sensitive to this issue because they understand what happens to someone in the neighborhood who eventually alienates and intimidates everyone in his community.

The heart of the matter is our own refusal to respect other nations, as expressed through several fully avoidable foreign policy gaffes over the past century or so. I've long bemoaned the fact that American foreign policy includes the ultimate Achilles Heel of being willing to interfere with the path of other nations using subversion and deception. To be clear, I'm not opposed with interference, but the use of lies and subterfuge.

Despite the seeming inability for many Americans to believe it, we find ourselves with significant problems today due in large part to the legacy of these such machinations. It is a well-documented fact that our financing, arming and (allegedly) training of the various Mujahideen groups of Afghanistan to bring about the Soviet-Afghan War was policy put forth by the Carter administration to force out a Soviet incursion into Asia without having to commit our own troops to a war. It is also painfully clear from how that situation devolved that America had zero intention on fulfilling the promise of rebuilding Afghanistan in exchange for their assuming the duties of conflict. This resulted in the Afghan Civil War in the near term (wherein the various insurgents turned on each other after the Soviets were driven out and the CIA stopped answering any calls) and the deathly grip of the Talibani authority in the later years.

Another result was to help transform the pro-Islamic flame of Osama bin Laden's world view to include hot anti-Americanism after he and his Afghan Arabs were left equally stranded. Osama's stated goal of establishing an exclusively Muslim world throughout the Middle East by restoring Sharia law and eliminating other ideologies was largely composed after having a front-row seat to American deception (and occupation).

The worst part of all this? It seems we STILL haven't learned our lesson, or it would seem so when one observes John McCain. Before the New Hampshire primary, Sen. McCain jokingly substituted the words "Barbara Ann" in the Beach Boys song of the same name with "bomb Iran." Not enough people regarded this as a serious lack of diplomatic accumen on his part. As for me, it represented (in such a simplified manner) the failure of American policymakers to respect foreign nations. What did the leadership and people of Iran think of this? What did the leaders and people of other nations think of this?

And he did it again. While campaigning two days before this writing, someone in the audience of an event mentioned data showing that cigarette exports to Iran increased significantly during the Bush administration. Sen. McCain said, "Maybe that's a way of killing them," and chuckled.

Not only is this not funny, it's arguably some of the most dangerous rhetoric we can possibly produce in our newfound era. As for the candidacy of Sen. McCain, he has fallen a notch in my view. I doubt even after considerable soul searching that I could reconcile this one (though I intend to try). My Christian self wants to forgive Sen. McCain, but the trials this sort of injudicious foolishness could bring to the doorstep of our children forces me to recognize the distinctly un-Christian view of Sen. McCain. I only hope enough fellow Americans are cognizant enough of such infractions.

So, lets be crystal clear here. Why is the reputation of America important?

• Foreign leaders become more hard-pressed to conduct diplomatic or economic exchange with a nation their own people perceive as being a bully and liar. This results in weakened diplomacy, tenuous alliances and even the loss of foreign leaders due to the unwillingness of their constituents to support them any longer (i.e. Tony Blair).
• Foreign populations become abuzz about the poor reputation of a bully and liar, generating disdain and motivating the most sociopathic members to channel their hatred in vicious and violent ways. Perhaps just as worse, the educated and sophisticated ones refrain from emigrating to America (read: export their excellence to America) as their perception of us degrades.
• A poor reputation permits a wide variety of otherwise insignificant problems to be attributed to us, where in another political climate such things may be easily dismissed.
• A poor reputation has economic repurcussions including diminished export opportunities, a risk of inflated import tariffs (that's right, sanctions against the U.S.) and a stifling of academic and business exchange across borders.
• A poor reputation has the capability of dealing a crushing blow to America's ability finance itself; specifically, foreign investment. If America becomes regarded as too much of a fire-stoker then investment will dry up at some unknown point, leading to a fundamental collapse on our interior.

It's really quite simple math. If we expect to regain the leadership role we once had in the world, a key problem area is to put a stop to approaching our foreign policy with the occassional but egregious lack of respect for others. We're smarter than this, but apathetic toward a government that is representing us. Time to take it back.

Developing Spiritual Disciplines

As my journey into faith continues, I find myself wanting to approach it the way I approach other large challenges: by identifying a stringent process and adhering to it. I am fascinated by processes which is a big part of the success I have enjoyed in business (fertile ground for process and discipline).

Enter the Christian Disciplines.

What are they? What process exists that has been handed down through the ages as a structure within which to move toward our Lord and embed his presence in our life? My research has thus far turned up an interesting book.

The book is Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald S. Whitney. Part of the description says this book moves through "a carefully selected array of disciplines including Scripture reading, prayer, worship, Scripture meditation, evangelism, serving, stewardship of time and money, Scripture application, fasting, silence and solitude, journaling, and learning." Are these disciplines regarded only by the author, or are these generally accepted as the set of disciplines to which the deliberate and methodical Christian should adhere?

While my question warrants further research, I move forth to examine the disciplines mentioned above and where I currently stand with each. This is somewhat of a taking of inventory or self-assessment to identify where effort needs to be allocated and where refined understanding must occur before appropriate application of these.

• Scripture Reading: I am currently conducting daily devotions out of the Men's Devotional Bible by Zondervan Publishing. This includes scriptural readings. I am not digesting this scripture in a deliberate enough manner to truly draw out solid lessons and gifts.
• Prayer: I need much work here. I regard prayer as something I do alone and within. I am stunted in my ability to pray in the presence of others as this requires vocalization, a skill that I am most marginal in compared to writing or inner thought.
• Worship: To be entirely honest, I barely understand this word and need to delve much farther here.
• Scripture Meditation: At this point, I regard this as Lectio Divina (oh boy, an outlined process!). I do not currently practice it, but wish to do so. I lack the spiritual maturity to attempt this yet, at least that's my sense.
• Evangelism: My shallow understanding of evangelism is it's the act of spreading His word. Different from service or conducting one's self as an example, this is deliberate outreach regarding Him. I have made but one timid forray into this realm (will speak of this in a later post). I shy away from this, it's quite challenging.
• Serving: I feel very strongly here. I wish to serve Him in some way, likely in some capacity within my church. I have considered other methods of service that could actually transform into opportunities for evangelism (gasp at the thought, I'm so shy).
• Stewardship of Time and Money: I would gladly be a steward of money if I had any. Sorry, bad joke. Seriously, I work on both these things but can honestly say I pay more lipservice than effort to it.
• Scripture Application: This is entirely new to me. If I take it's meaning literally, I interpret this as applying the scripture to everyday life. This warrants research.
• Fasting: Ok, this is probably the zone I am the farthest away from. Those who know me would fall face down laughing at the prospect of me restraining my eating in any way. Yes, that's right - I'm guilty of gluttony. Ok, we've identified a major area of work here!
• Silence and Solitude: So difficult to practice with a full secular life and two young children in the house. Work to be done here. Is this perhaps part of Lectio Divina as well?
• Journaling: This body of work fits the bill here. On top of it, I have a paper notebook within which I record additional personal thoughts during my devotional time.
• Learning: Another "no problem" area. I would probably die if I stopped learning. It is perhaps one of the most unquencheable driving forces in my life. I literally devote 1-3 hours each day minimum to learning. I also long to return to college and wish to be a professor someday.

Much to consider. Doesn't seem like I shape up too far off the mark, at least out the gate. I look forward to researching this. I do want to identify accepted Christian Disciplines so that I may integrate them in my life where they already are not present.

Prayer: Losing my Brother, Finding No Friend

Lord, thank you for your blessings and thank you for working in my life. I ask your continued patience as I seek to refine my "hearing" in drawing out those things you are communicating to me.

Despite my wants, I understand you have a greater intent. Forgive my lack of trust and curiosity wherein I desire to know why I am deprived of my brother and my friend. Also forgive my drowning in emotion over these things which leads me astray from focusing on the inherent message you are giving me.

I ask that you assist my inner vision, help keep it clear of the feelings of despair, loss and bewilderment I am experiencing. I do truly know you will guide me to an answer should that be what you intend for me. I also know and trust that answer will be witheld if I am not to know, which I will meet with patience and acceptance.

Please be with my brother and his family. You know of their challenges, and the challenges unique to my brother as the leader of his family. Please grant him insights which lead him closer to you and his family in turn.

Please be with my friend. I fear his recoil at my presence is due to an unecessary weight. If provided with the opportunity, please take my pledge that I will work in the most Christ-like way I know to right any wrongs I may have brought to his life. Peace be with him and his household.

Thank you for hearing me. In your name, Amen.

Losing my Brother, Finding No Friend

I'm moving through a highly challenging time. A few days ago, my brother-in-law (hence to be called "brother") had to move his family away to the other side of the country. The day after, I learned of the location of an old and good friend of mine from days long past, attempted to contact him and was met with cold affront.

I can't emphasize enough how profoundly disappointing both experiences have been. However, my striving to remain attuned to our Lord has led me to an interesting and eyebrow-raising observation. Both incidents occurred nearly simultaneously and both succeeded in delivering a nearly overwhelming sense of loss, despair and bewilderment. These two incidents also paralell each other in obvious, curious ways. For instance, there is clearly some sort of parity or relationship occuring with brother and friend, two relationships that are intensely important to men.

I am near despondency when thinking of the departure of my brother. There is significant history I will skip for now, but suffice to say that he was forced as a member of our military to leave (being re-stationed). We knew a re-stationing was coming and he had requested it be to the same city I, his sister and his parents live in. I prayed on the matter. Tears come even now as I feel that I was to gain the companionship and love that comes in a unique fashion as only it can with a brother, but it has escaped my grasp (as the death of my sister and only blood sibling some ten years ago). I am in despair that this prayer was not answered because I actually work hard not to ask for much in my prayer, lest it imply that I am left incessantly wanting and lacking. Of the piddling few prayers in which I put forth a request, this was the one I wanted more than anything. I, who normally lives in subdued satisfaction and pushes away many wants and needs as frivolous, was starving for my brother. I feel like someone who waits to be picked up by someone they love, but they never come.

As for finding my long-lost friend, it is a jarring experience. I had sought him about four times over the last ten years, each time being met with people who don't reply to emails and other dead-ends. I now find him only to be met with the most tepid response. He was more concerned about making sure I don't come to his house and that we meet outside his home than he was about hearing from me. This pitches me into a dark and unknown territory, uncharted as I am entirely not used to people not wanting to be with me (especially those who were great friends a long time ago). Yes, I know, people change, yadda yadda yadda. But what have I done? Did I slight him in the past and not know it? And if so, will I lose the opportunity to reconcile if he will not communicate this to me? Or has he lost respect for me for some reason, perhaps feeling I am not worth his time any longer? I am driven beyond discipline by these scenarios exploding throughout my mind.

I must calm my heart. Regain focus, regain the introspection that has served me well enough to show me these two experiences - brother and friend - are a veritable billboard in front of me. What is the message, and what action am I to take on this message?

Setting Sail

It's been all too long that I've thought about journaling my thoughts on these topics, matters of God and of Country. Why have I chosen these? Why not other areas in which I am interested or expert, such as business or family? Because I have arrived at a moment wherein I see all other topics essentially as sub-strata of these two - God and Country. Essentially, He is who I strive to live in, and America is where I strive to do so. My love of family, friends and fellow man all draw from a grouping of beliefs I ultimately would label "Christian" and "American."

I chose "setting sail" as the title of my first post in this endeavor because I feel something akin to what more ancient explorers than I must have felt when they stared across an ocean from the deck of a ship - without any map or knowledge of what lie on the other side (or if there was one). An infinite, undulating stretch. A view marred only by crawling clouds and no land in sight. Much distance to consume, much work to be done before even a beginning is gained.

With this, I set sail. Glory to God and may He bless this voyage, illuminate my path a bit at a time just as He has always done for me, and may He brace me against my own doubts. Amen.